Uuugh

No, I did not elaborate after last week's post. And yes, I am posting late (Happy Easter, to everyone who celebrates it!). I am not posting late because I forgot or was sad or anything of the sort. Actually, I'm really sick. Really, really sick. I did little more than piddle around and be sad and sleepy yesterday.

Which is why I hesitate to be too happy about my weight today. 201lbs. I'm pretty sure this is due to the fact I've barely ate since Wednesday, though some days I'm sure I ate enough for two people, so maybe it balanced it out. Clearly I'm feeling better today, at least a bit. Because I'm posting! Hopefully the weight sticks. If not, I;'ll be okay.

Scale said 203 this morning. Posting from my cell. Will elaborate when I get home!

So I'm a bit late on the updating front. I did weigh in and came out to 204lbs this week. That means I lost one pound from last week's gain. I haven't really done much in the way of exercising so I haven't really updated my fitness. I did, however take some new measurements.

Bust: 39" (99cm)
Waist: 36" (92cm)
Hips: 45.5" (116cm)

I have lost a LOT in size! Holy crud! When did that all even happen? An inch off my bust, two off my waist, THREE AND A HALF off my hips! That is...phenomenal! Wonderful! I feel so great about this! So much more than that number, 204.

My first real 'win' will be to see myself at 199lbs again, as I haven't been under 200lbs in two years. After that, it will be to see 192lbs, specifically. As this was my lowest weight reached last time. After that, I want to see myself at under 175lbs.

175lbs. Why this number? Because I remembered that the last time I weighed this much, and that I knew I weighed this much...was in middle school. I was 12 years old and I was heavier than my 17 year old brother who's 5'10'' and was very, very active at the time. His pants were too small for me. I weighed more than a teenaged boy when I was 12.

The day I found out how much he weighed and how much I weighed (he was in the 150's) in comparison to him... I cried. I went off to my bedroom and cried because I was SO GODDAMN FAT. I was just so fat.

I haven't been in the 170's since. But I didn't go down, I just went up. All the way to 230lbs (or higher...).

That same brother still weighs less than me. He weighs in the 190's now. He's a muscular man, from going to the gym and working out. While he is a bit on the heavier side, he's still very healthy.

And I want to weigh less than him. Very soon. And I will.

He doesn't know any of this. He never has. He doesn't know I've been comparing myself to him all these years, thinking, "How can I weigh more than him? How?" Even when he was 'fat', he still weighed less than me. Every time. I don't want to be my version of fat anymore.

And I just want to be healthier.

Weigh in April 2, 2011

So I came in at 205lbs today, which makes a gain of 2lbs from last week. I'm not going to pretend it had nothing to do with my Saturday outing to work, my Sunday outing to the Indian buffet, Monday's late night trip to McDonald's, or Wednesday's midnight run to McDonald's.

Or yesterday's outing at Pizza Hut.

I didn't binge, it's not about that. It's about eating too much already prepared food. Eating junk. I feel gross, too. I don't feel heavier, but my stomach's been bothering me (too much grease) and I've had a lot more headaches than normal.

On the bright side, I bought a food scale last night. FINALLY. I'm tired of counting out and guesstimating what I'm eating. I can finally see exactly how many ounces and grams. Yay!

Yes!

I was finally able to fully finish the 20 minute express workout by Zumba! I was really not feeling it anymore about five minutes before it ended, but I just kept telling myself, "There's only five minutes left! REALLY?" And then I checked my heart rate monitor. Seeing such a high number of calories burned sure did make things a little easier!

As you may have noticed, I added an exercise log to the side of my blog, listing when I exercise, how long, the activity, and how many calories my HRM says I burned. I'm currently aiming for 500 fitness minutes a month, but I hope to increase that by 100 by the end of April, so that in my May, my goal will be 600 minutes. In July, I want it to be 700. September will be 900, and then in November will be my cap at 1000 minutes per month. This is the schedule I'll follow if I can MEET the new minimum. If not, I'll stay with whatever the current is until I can meet it and then start upping it. I'll touch back on this by the end of April!

It's amazing how great I feel now that I exercise. It's wonderful to feel sore and have it not be because my body doesn't know what's going on, but to have it be because I was working out and doing something good for myself.

I also thought I could start taking pictures of what I eat (that aren't meal bars or shakes) to get a better perspective of what I'm putting in my body. Journaling is great, but I'm a really visual person, so I'm hoping the pictures will help. I'll post them here, with a description of what's on my plate, Starting with ...TODAY!

Breakfast was some kind of sausage egg sandwich from Dunkin' Donuts. My brother got it for me and no one else would eat it, so I figured I would. I can't really say no to a bagel. I also had 20 lightly salted almonds and a cup of green + white tea.

This is a snack I had after getting home from lunch and market shopping. No pictures of lunch. I forgot! But it's a pepperjack cheese stick, 25 honey roasted peanuts, and a cup of strawberries (more or less).

Weigh In

So, I weighed in this morning. It came out to 203lbs. Another pound off of me and never to be seen again! I never thought I'd do this well again. I never thought I'd see the 190's THIS CLOSE to me again. I thought I'd be juggling those ten pounds forever. That my body didn't want me to be any smaller again.

I've got three pounds to lose before I'm at 200lbs. And then from there, it's all 190's. The 180's will be new for me, very new. I haven't weighed 180 since either the beginning of high school or even the end of middle school. The 190's are so close again that I can taaste them. And they taste like yogurt.

Today, I'm going to be going to my place of work. But not for work. I'm going to be meeting a friend there and we're having a late lunch together. I haven't seen this friend since high school, and I've lost quite a bit of weight since then, about 20-30lbs. I'm a  lot smaller than I was when I was a senior in high school.

Last night, something a little bit wonderful happened. I was eating dinner with my parents, which rarely happens. Since they celebrate Lent, and I don't, we usually can't agree what to eat on Fridays, so I don't tend to eat with them. Dad brought homw some amazing fish, though, and I just HAD to sit and eat with them. And it was amazing. But that isn't the wonderful part. The kitchen table is squeezed between a wall and the oven, so whoever sits by the oven generally can;'t sit out too far or no one will be able to get past them. My dad was sitting in that chair and I was sitting next to him. I got up to go move past him, behind the chair he was sitting in, and go to the other end of the kitchen. He started to move, but I told him he didn't have to, joking that I knew I was fat, but I wasn't THAT fat. And he said, "No, you're not anymore. You've been losing weight and you look smaller than you did a little while ago." My dad NEVER notices these things. But he noticed with me. I've apparently gotten so noticeably smaller to my own dad, Mr. Oblivious, that he noticed!

It really made me feel like I'm doing things the right way for my body and that I'm finally getting my act together when it comes to losing weight and inches and becoming a healthier person. Speaking of losing inches. Here are my measurement as of this morning:

Bust: 40"
Waist: 38"
Hips: 49"

I'm going to measure myself at the end of each month from now on, especially since starting Zumba. I want to see how much size I can lose,along with weight.

I'll post again soon! It's time for breakfast, then some Zumba and a shower before going to eet up with my friend. Wish me luck in picking something to eat that won't ruin me entirely.

So, today I did some Zumba workout when I got home from work. I only did it for 20 minutes, but I burned about 234 calories... And I'm still in the 'learning the moves' portion!

Tried Zumba

Holy crap! just finished trying out Zumba. THAT KICKED MY BUTT! I only did the basic steps for tonight, since it's late and I have work tomorrow. If I'm not feeling too poopy when I get home from work, I'll definitely try out some of the real routines on the DVD.

On Time!

So, this week I'm on time with my update! And I'm happy to report that I've lost half a pound. I came in at 204lbs this morning! I never thought I'd see those numbers again. I'd been fluctuating between 206-215lbs for almost a year now and didn't think I'd ever actually really lose any weight. It's just so rewarding to know that I've finally buckled down and started working that much harder at this and that I'm actually getting somewhere again. I hope I can get to the 190's by the time Mik's birthday rolls around.


My post last week was a bit haphazard, but I was just SO excited, that I couldn't think of anything other than SQUEE to say. This week, I've gotten into the groove of making a normal, coherent post again.

So, I notice my weight loss not so much in the numbers, but more in the way I walk. All of a sudden, I just FELT smaller. I knew I had to have lost some weight. That was when I found out I'd dropped to 204.5. Now I'm starting to notice it in my clothing. I had been a size 8 in panties, sometimes squeezing into a 7, for so long that I didn't think I'd ever be able to think of my being able to fit into anything else. I took a chance and bought some size 7 panties for the first time in a long time. Not only do they fit comfortably, they're a tad loose! I won't be moving down to a size 6 anytime soon, just because the difference in sizes is pretty big, but I hope that I can start looking at those within the next few months.

Another awesome thing when it comes to my clothing size is that I used to be in a 40-42 band bra. This made it VERY difficult for me to find bras on account of being a B cup. The few times I could find a 40 band in a B, it was either such poor quality and would break down in a month or so, or it was too damned expensive for me to even buy in the first place. I took a chance last night and bought two 38 band bras. I figured if they didn't fit, I could just buy an extender for them temporarily. Not necessary! They fit fantastically! Maybe now I'll be able to buy new bras as they start to fall apart instead of well after they're fallen apart and aren't anywhere near comfortable anymore.

Also, I've moved down into an 18 pant from 20/22. 18's feel great. They feel amazing. The 20's are too large now, too uncomfortable and not anywhere near what fits me anymore. In some brands, the 18's are way too big! I hope I can move down into a 16 by the time my 21st birthday rolls around in a few months.

In my lolita wardrobe, I have some updates, too! A few months ago, I made a purchase from Bodyline. Of the six things I bought, only two fit. I bought an OP, a skirt, a blouse, a pair of shoes, a pair of bloomers, and a pair of socks. The shoes and blouse were all that fit. THe skirt is still too small. I knew it was going to be for a long time when I bought it, but it was a fast selling item and I wanted it NOW. The OP...Well, it almost fits! I can get it more than halfway zipped up now, which is an improvement over not at all. The socks fit, uncomfortably. The bloomers fit, also uncomfortably. Hopefully, the OP and bloomers will fit very soon! And the socks, that would be awesome.

I'm going to be playing DDR again today, more than likely, after I pick up Mik from work. I played a round of it back on Tuesday. I haven't been playing THAT much DDR, but it's a lot more than I had been just a few weeks ago. I'm sure it's helping a lot.

Now, one of the things I'm sure is helping is that I eat breakfast and lunch now on the days that I work. The only way I can manage this, though, is to buy meal replacement bars and shakes. The shakes for morning, since I can't handle solid food before 10AM or I'll throw up. The bars for lunch, since I can eat them in less than a minute and then get back to work. I don't get breaks, so this is all I can manage. But it keeps me from stuffing my face with everything I see when I get home, and even sometimes before I get home. Sometimes I would just be too hungry and start eating things at work. Not a good idea! Using these things has nothing to do with my want to lose weight. Even at goal weight, as long as it's a day I'm working and I'm working day shift, I'll continue using these bars and shakes. I don't use them on my days off (like today! I had sandwiches! Mmmn. Sandwiches).

I'm still using my journal and keeping track of what I'm eating. I'm going to start keeping track of any exercise I do and all the walking I do. I walked four miles this week! To work every time, but still! Very exciting.

Tomorrow, I'm going to Ayur Shri, a local Indian restaurant, for their buffet. Mmn! I'll probably and go pick up my reward for losing weight after lunch, too. A Victoria's Secret or Bath and Body Works purchase (with a limit of $40. I'm not made of money). I can't wait! Great food, great scents, and a nice time hanging out with my roommate, even if she is bored out of her skull.

Another update to come, at the latest, next Saturday!