I have no idea what my problem is, but I just can't stop eating crap. I want to blame it on my period, because that would be convenient, but I know it isn't. Because that never really changes my eating much. I may eat more or less, but I won't eat completely different things than usual. I went to Wendy's on Monday and got WAY too much food. Granted, I hadn't eaten all day, which explains the sheer amount, and I probably didn't go over in calories (by much, at any rate), but my fats were likely through the roof. And today? I had a nice, delicious salmon dinner planned out. I heard my dad was going to be making eggs, sausage, and fries and those plans flew out the window. I WANTED what he was making. I want the soda I've been drinking, even though I barely drink soda anymore. I haven't had tea in over a week, except for the chai Prince T made me the other day at his place.
But seriously, what is wrong with me? Is it because I said I was going to go easy this week in preparation for Saturday? Is it because I just haven't eaten anything worse than a hot dog in months? Is it because I've been TOO careful with my eating?
I didn't think I was being too careful. It's not like I've made myself give up anything I like. I really love salmon and scallops and shrimp and tilapia. I really do love rice and broccoli and snap peas and carrots and all the other vegetables I've been gorging on. I really do love oranges and apples and bananas and all the other fruits I've been eating. And don't get me started on tea, oh my god. I love tea. I love tea in just about any form. I love tea so much I went through a pound of honey in two weeks because I was drinking SO MUCH TEA.
So what's wrong with me?
Honestly, I'm not going to beat myself up over this. I just need to try better. I just need to try and not give in to every junk food craving that crosses my wee little fancy. It isn't good for me, it doesn't make me feel good, and it really just is more frustrating than satisfying in the end.
I'm having pizza on Friday with a friend and her parents and possibly another friend. I'll probably not eat much there, just because I'm not really big on pizza. And also it's a completely and utter nutritional wasteland. I'll make sure to eat well for breakfast and have a good lunch before I go out with them. That'll definitely help to curb any issues with overeating while there. Especially since her parents are very fond of trying to get me to eat all the time. I love them to pieces, but geez.
Last night I had homemade spaghetti and meatballs (everything but the pasta from scratch) and it was the first time I'd really had beef in ages. I'm not big on that dish, personally, but Prince T requested it, so I made it. I'll do anything, cook anything, to get that man to eat a real meal and real food. You know, stuff that doesn't come out of a box or isn't a hotdog. Let's see if he'll eat my vegetarian lasagna; his roommate's been begging me for it ever since he tried my sauce and learned I make vegetarian, low-fat lasagna (he's been trying to lose weight as well, and doing an AWESOME job; we're all really proud of W). So maybe next month I'll have a nice recipe to share, assuming I can get some pretty photos.
Tomorrow, I hope I can manage to eat my salmon dinner. I'm going to try and avoid eating at Prince T's place, because I have no money to really buy anything to make there and he doesn't have any either, at the moment. And most of what he has is all prepackaged garbage. Honestly, he doesn't even LIKE that stuff. He just can't cook worth a damn (trust me, I've tried teaching him) and he'd rather eat crap than not eat. Hopefully I can teach him some really simple, basic recipes that won't cost him an arm and a leg and will keep him a bit healthier. He's interested in better food, he loves homemade food (he's loved everything I've made him), but he just can't cook. His mother rarely cooked while he was growing up, and she worked a lot, so he was left to his own devices. This is all he really knows, food wise. Last night was the first time he'd had real spaghetti and meatballs. You know, not Chef Boyardee.
Anyway, I just hope to at least have stayed even by the end of this week. I doubt I've lost anything, but I really, really don't want to have gained. I'm doing so well and I'm on such a roll, I don't know if I could handle seeing the 180's again.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
January 14,2013 Weigh -In
Previous weigh in: 175.6lbs
Today's weigh in: 174.5lbs
Which means: loss of 1.1lbs
BMI: 31.9 (just barely in the obese category)
I completely forgot to weigh myself AT ALL yesterday, much less post about it. GEEZ. I feel like such a loser haha. I'll be better about it, I promise!
I lost a little over a pound this week, which is pretty cool! Then again, I've been trying pretty hard to cut back on junk, since I'll be going to a lolita meet up this Saturday. It's at a dessert buffet and four hours long. I think you can see what that means for my next weigh-in or two. I don't really mind it, since it's a conscious decision I made and I told myself not to worry about it. I don't do things like eat cakes and pastries all day ...ever. So I can give myself one day to do so. Especially because I'll probably be too busy socializing at least some of the time to actually be stuffing my face constantly.
But the biggest news about this meet up is that I'm going to get to wear my Jewelry Jelly jumperskirt from Angelic Pretty this week. Now, I fell in love with this series back when it came out, in 2010. I got the switching JSK last year, in May. I knew it wouldn't fit me and it still doesn't, to be honest. It's a lot closer than it was. I tried it on last night and can actually zip it up almost half way. Which is an improvement over I couldn't even get this dress on comfortably with the zipper open. I got the regular version of the jumperskirt back in October or November of last year with the assumption that it would fit. It has a lot of elastic shirring in the back, and I was already a bit smaller then than I had been in May.
Dress got here and it didn't fit. I cried, a lot, to be honest. I'd wanted this dress so badly and I wanted to wear it so badly. But I just put it away in my closet and kind of forgot about it. I figured I could always sell both dresses in a year or two if they still didn't fit and no big loss, really, except a piece of my heart. I didn't really even think about the dress. A few things were going on in my life at the time, so I was too depressed and preoccupied over bigger things to be worried about some dress that didn't fit me.
And then last month, I got invited to a lolita meet up that would be scheduled this month. I accepted, asked for the day off, and asked my dear boyfriend to bring there (and he's going to attend, too). I figured I could deal with what I was going to wear when the day came and I have plenty I could wear and put together for a nice outfit.
But on a whim last week, because a part of me really wanted to debut this dress at my first meet up, I tried it on. And not only did it fit, it's comfortable. The elastic is stretched pretty far, but it's not at the maximum. And the seams aren't stressed. And I cried, a lot, over this dress again. But now it was for a completely different reason. I skipped around the house wearing this dress, dancing and jumping and just overall so happy that I could wear this.
Now, I will state again, the biggest thing I have gotten from losing weight is my HEALTH. It's improved so much these past few months that I barely even know what to do with myself. It's a wonderful feeling to be healthy. I want to say 'again', but I don't really think I ever have been healthy. Not for a very, very long time. So far back I can't even remember it. So it's good to just finally feel like that at all. I'm overjoyed that I can do things and that my life isn't as limited by chronic pain as it used to be. But at the same time, isn't it nice to be able to fit into pretty clothing? I see it as a bonus, a special treat on top of the real prize. And I won't say I don't like to look at all of the dresses I may be able to fit into once I reach goal. It's fun to think about putting those outfits together and socializing with the friends I hope to make at these meet ups.
And hopefully on Saturday or for my next weigh-in, I'll have plenty of photos to post here.
Today's weigh in: 174.5lbs
Which means: loss of 1.1lbs
BMI: 31.9 (just barely in the obese category)
I completely forgot to weigh myself AT ALL yesterday, much less post about it. GEEZ. I feel like such a loser haha. I'll be better about it, I promise!
I lost a little over a pound this week, which is pretty cool! Then again, I've been trying pretty hard to cut back on junk, since I'll be going to a lolita meet up this Saturday. It's at a dessert buffet and four hours long. I think you can see what that means for my next weigh-in or two. I don't really mind it, since it's a conscious decision I made and I told myself not to worry about it. I don't do things like eat cakes and pastries all day ...ever. So I can give myself one day to do so. Especially because I'll probably be too busy socializing at least some of the time to actually be stuffing my face constantly.
But the biggest news about this meet up is that I'm going to get to wear my Jewelry Jelly jumperskirt from Angelic Pretty this week. Now, I fell in love with this series back when it came out, in 2010. I got the switching JSK last year, in May. I knew it wouldn't fit me and it still doesn't, to be honest. It's a lot closer than it was. I tried it on last night and can actually zip it up almost half way. Which is an improvement over I couldn't even get this dress on comfortably with the zipper open. I got the regular version of the jumperskirt back in October or November of last year with the assumption that it would fit. It has a lot of elastic shirring in the back, and I was already a bit smaller then than I had been in May.
Dress got here and it didn't fit. I cried, a lot, to be honest. I'd wanted this dress so badly and I wanted to wear it so badly. But I just put it away in my closet and kind of forgot about it. I figured I could always sell both dresses in a year or two if they still didn't fit and no big loss, really, except a piece of my heart. I didn't really even think about the dress. A few things were going on in my life at the time, so I was too depressed and preoccupied over bigger things to be worried about some dress that didn't fit me.
And then last month, I got invited to a lolita meet up that would be scheduled this month. I accepted, asked for the day off, and asked my dear boyfriend to bring there (and he's going to attend, too). I figured I could deal with what I was going to wear when the day came and I have plenty I could wear and put together for a nice outfit.
But on a whim last week, because a part of me really wanted to debut this dress at my first meet up, I tried it on. And not only did it fit, it's comfortable. The elastic is stretched pretty far, but it's not at the maximum. And the seams aren't stressed. And I cried, a lot, over this dress again. But now it was for a completely different reason. I skipped around the house wearing this dress, dancing and jumping and just overall so happy that I could wear this.
Now, I will state again, the biggest thing I have gotten from losing weight is my HEALTH. It's improved so much these past few months that I barely even know what to do with myself. It's a wonderful feeling to be healthy. I want to say 'again', but I don't really think I ever have been healthy. Not for a very, very long time. So far back I can't even remember it. So it's good to just finally feel like that at all. I'm overjoyed that I can do things and that my life isn't as limited by chronic pain as it used to be. But at the same time, isn't it nice to be able to fit into pretty clothing? I see it as a bonus, a special treat on top of the real prize. And I won't say I don't like to look at all of the dresses I may be able to fit into once I reach goal. It's fun to think about putting those outfits together and socializing with the friends I hope to make at these meet ups.
And hopefully on Saturday or for my next weigh-in, I'll have plenty of photos to post here.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
One Hundred Push Ups
Now, I'm pretty sure at some point in the life of this blog, I made some kind of comment about trying the one hundred push ups challenge. And I know for a fact that the many times I've tried, I usually ended up forgetting about it after a week or two. Not so much that it was too hard, but I literally...forgot about it.
So, I'm trying again. And I'm going to try and use this blog to keep me accountable. For the record, I'm doing wall pushups. I'm not physically capable of doing full pushups, at least not at this point in time. I hope if I can finish this challenge enough times that I'll eventually be able to do full pushups.
My plan is to finish this challenge, then do the sit ups challenge. Once I finish that, I'd like to do the push ups one again, but with a greater angle so that the pushup is more difficult. After that, I'd like to do that squat challenge. And then go back to the push ups challenge. Hopefully by then, my health will be such that I can do it in full pushups. If not, then I guess I'll just have to do it twice in a row! Or however many times it takes after that.
Now, I'm not promising I'll actually do all of this. I just did the initial test for the pushups and managed 20 in a row, which put me in rank three. I'm going to start the challenge tomorrow, as opposed to waiting a week or two, and then report back here. I'm hoping to at least add that sort of thing to the list of exercises I do sometime.
I also really want to start doing planks and other ab workouts sometime soon. I know core workouts are great for overall health and I know my core is pretty weak. I'd like to strengthen it. I'd also really like to get into yoga, at least very minimal yoga. Here's to seeing how well I do this year.
What are your favorite non-equipment/body weight exercises? How long did it take you for you to perfect them, so to speak? And how often do you do these exercises?
So, I'm trying again. And I'm going to try and use this blog to keep me accountable. For the record, I'm doing wall pushups. I'm not physically capable of doing full pushups, at least not at this point in time. I hope if I can finish this challenge enough times that I'll eventually be able to do full pushups.
My plan is to finish this challenge, then do the sit ups challenge. Once I finish that, I'd like to do the push ups one again, but with a greater angle so that the pushup is more difficult. After that, I'd like to do that squat challenge. And then go back to the push ups challenge. Hopefully by then, my health will be such that I can do it in full pushups. If not, then I guess I'll just have to do it twice in a row! Or however many times it takes after that.
Now, I'm not promising I'll actually do all of this. I just did the initial test for the pushups and managed 20 in a row, which put me in rank three. I'm going to start the challenge tomorrow, as opposed to waiting a week or two, and then report back here. I'm hoping to at least add that sort of thing to the list of exercises I do sometime.
I also really want to start doing planks and other ab workouts sometime soon. I know core workouts are great for overall health and I know my core is pretty weak. I'd like to strengthen it. I'd also really like to get into yoga, at least very minimal yoga. Here's to seeing how well I do this year.
What are your favorite non-equipment/body weight exercises? How long did it take you for you to perfect them, so to speak? And how often do you do these exercises?
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Let's just review why I'm doing this, shall we?
I'm not the same girl I used to be and I'm not the same woman I used to be. Look at that photo; I'm downright sassy.
And let's keep it that way, shall we?
It's been almost a year...
It's been almost a year since my last post. I know what that means to a lot of people. It means that you've fallen off the wagon. That you've stopped caring. That you won't ever be coming back. I have to say, I can't blame any of you for thinking that, if it's that's what you thought. How often have we seen that happen? I know I've seen it more times than I can count.
While I didn't exactly fall off the wagon, I really didn't make much progress for most of the year. I got into the 190's at some point and hovered there for months. And then I finally started going down, towards the end of the year. I ended the year in the 180's, something I hadn't seen in a very long time.
And now I'm sitting at 175.6lbs. This is the lowest weight I've been ...since middle school. I have officially lost much more weight than I have left to lose. I'm 5.6lbs away from a major milestone, 100lbs lost. And I'm .6lbs away from a mini-goal. 175lbs was a weight I wanted to be at for a very long time, after I realized how much I'd really gained. It was the signal that I had really gotten past all of my problems that I'd had in high school.
My new mini-goal after that will be 169lbs, because that will put me under my boyfriend's weight (he's 170lbs, which is my 100lbs lost mark). My measurements have changed drastically, I'm sure. I can't find the last ones I posted here, at least not from around the time I left. But I do have measurements from not that far from then.
I stopped tracking, really, from February all the way to July. Mid-July is when I picked up again and I've kept pretty good logs of everything since.
Here are the stats from that weigh in and measurements:
July 16th, 2012
Starting weight - 199lbs
Starting bust - 45
Starting waist- 44
Starting hips - 52.5
Starting upper right arm - 12
Starting upper right thigh - 23.5
Starting upper calf - 17
Starting neck - 13.5
But what am I looking at currently? Well, I changed my weigh ins to be on Sundays, for one, every week. And my monthly measurements check is on the 1st of the month, starting on the new year.
January 1st, 2013
Current weight- 178.5lbs
Current bust- 37
Current waist - 31
Current hips - 40
Current upper right arm - 11
Current upper right thigh - 20
Current upper calf - 15
Current neck - 13
Since July, into the 1st of this year, I've lost 20.5lbs, 8 inches off my bust, 13inches off my waist, 12.5inches off my hips, one inch off my arm, 3.5 inches off my thigh, 2 inches off my calf, and half an inch off my neck. My size went from a solid 16/18 to a 14/16 on the bottom and from an XL on top to M/L.
I'll be weighing in weekly here again, hopefully sharing some things again, and doing a big monthly post on the first of each month with measurements.
While I didn't exactly fall off the wagon, I really didn't make much progress for most of the year. I got into the 190's at some point and hovered there for months. And then I finally started going down, towards the end of the year. I ended the year in the 180's, something I hadn't seen in a very long time.
And now I'm sitting at 175.6lbs. This is the lowest weight I've been ...since middle school. I have officially lost much more weight than I have left to lose. I'm 5.6lbs away from a major milestone, 100lbs lost. And I'm .6lbs away from a mini-goal. 175lbs was a weight I wanted to be at for a very long time, after I realized how much I'd really gained. It was the signal that I had really gotten past all of my problems that I'd had in high school.
My new mini-goal after that will be 169lbs, because that will put me under my boyfriend's weight (he's 170lbs, which is my 100lbs lost mark). My measurements have changed drastically, I'm sure. I can't find the last ones I posted here, at least not from around the time I left. But I do have measurements from not that far from then.
I stopped tracking, really, from February all the way to July. Mid-July is when I picked up again and I've kept pretty good logs of everything since.
Here are the stats from that weigh in and measurements:
July 16th, 2012
Starting weight - 199lbs
Starting bust - 45
Starting waist- 44
Starting hips - 52.5
Starting upper right arm - 12
Starting upper right thigh - 23.5
Starting upper calf - 17
Starting neck - 13.5
But what am I looking at currently? Well, I changed my weigh ins to be on Sundays, for one, every week. And my monthly measurements check is on the 1st of the month, starting on the new year.
January 1st, 2013
Current weight- 178.5lbs
Current bust- 37
Current waist - 31
Current hips - 40
Current upper right arm - 11
Current upper right thigh - 20
Current upper calf - 15
Current neck - 13
Since July, into the 1st of this year, I've lost 20.5lbs, 8 inches off my bust, 13inches off my waist, 12.5inches off my hips, one inch off my arm, 3.5 inches off my thigh, 2 inches off my calf, and half an inch off my neck. My size went from a solid 16/18 to a 14/16 on the bottom and from an XL on top to M/L.
I'll be weighing in weekly here again, hopefully sharing some things again, and doing a big monthly post on the first of each month with measurements.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Feb 7, Weigh In
Previous weigh in: 201.2
Today's weigh in: 204.8
Which means: gain of 3.6lbs
Body fat %: 40% (up 3.1%)
BMI: 37.7 (severely obese) (up .9)
I was so close to being 200 or under! Ah well. I screw it up on my own, to be completely frank. Eating out, not watching my portions, no activity, nothing.
I started tracking my food in SparkPeople yesterday...and almost did well! I ended up having a different dinner and not updating it. Because that's me.
Today, though, I've been very spot on. I hope to keep doing this and to actually start losing again. When I lost the most weight, way back when, I used SparkPeople's tracking journal for food and activity. So, hopefully I can have that repeat and end up losing heaps and heaps of weight. Well, er, until I hit goal, anyhow.
Today's weigh in: 204.8
Which means: gain of 3.6lbs
Body fat %: 40% (up 3.1%)
BMI: 37.7 (severely obese) (up .9)
I was so close to being 200 or under! Ah well. I screw it up on my own, to be completely frank. Eating out, not watching my portions, no activity, nothing.
I started tracking my food in SparkPeople yesterday...and almost did well! I ended up having a different dinner and not updating it. Because that's me.
Today, though, I've been very spot on. I hope to keep doing this and to actually start losing again. When I lost the most weight, way back when, I used SparkPeople's tracking journal for food and activity. So, hopefully I can have that repeat and end up losing heaps and heaps of weight. Well, er, until I hit goal, anyhow.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Weigh-in Jan 25, 2012
Previous weigh in: 202.5
Today's weigh in: 201.2
Which means: loss of 1.3lbs
Body fat %: 38.7 (down .2% from last time)
BMI: 36.8 (severely obese) (down .1% from last time)
Another 1.3lbs loss. Creepy! I've been busy. Running here, running there. Short recap of my time:
Working, per usual. This week's actually very light, but that means other things have been done.
Had a doc's appointment (at a low income clinic)
Got on birth control pills, so I've been absolutely miiiiseraaaableee lately.
Been spending a LOT of time with Prince T.
Chores.
Painting.
Now. I've ate at least 3 times a day all month so far! That's a good thing.
I started January at 203.8lbs. That makes a 2.6lbs loss for the month so far. I'm behind on my 5lbs goal per month. That's okay, honestly. It's secondary to the healthier habits I'm trying to make right now.
Saving for a car. Found my dream car. (A VW Jetta. Used. Green. Lovely. Want it.) It's going to be about $3k after taxes and such. I will have this car.
These pills made me extremely nauseous yesterday. I'm going to have just toast for breakfast today, just in case. If I feel well enough by lunch time, I'll have a light but more substantial lunch. If I still feel alright by dinner time, I'll have a real dinner. And not just a repeat of lunch or breakfast. I have a bottle of extra stength Tums and a bottle of extra strength Excedrine. I'll be good.
Today's weigh in: 201.2
Which means: loss of 1.3lbs
Body fat %: 38.7 (down .2% from last time)
BMI: 36.8 (severely obese) (down .1% from last time)
Another 1.3lbs loss. Creepy! I've been busy. Running here, running there. Short recap of my time:
Working, per usual. This week's actually very light, but that means other things have been done.
Had a doc's appointment (at a low income clinic)
Got on birth control pills, so I've been absolutely miiiiseraaaableee lately.
Been spending a LOT of time with Prince T.
Chores.
Painting.
Now. I've ate at least 3 times a day all month so far! That's a good thing.
I started January at 203.8lbs. That makes a 2.6lbs loss for the month so far. I'm behind on my 5lbs goal per month. That's okay, honestly. It's secondary to the healthier habits I'm trying to make right now.
Saving for a car. Found my dream car. (A VW Jetta. Used. Green. Lovely. Want it.) It's going to be about $3k after taxes and such. I will have this car.
These pills made me extremely nauseous yesterday. I'm going to have just toast for breakfast today, just in case. If I feel well enough by lunch time, I'll have a light but more substantial lunch. If I still feel alright by dinner time, I'll have a real dinner. And not just a repeat of lunch or breakfast. I have a bottle of extra stength Tums and a bottle of extra strength Excedrine. I'll be good.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Weigh in, January 9
Previous weigh in: 203.8
Today's weigh in: 202.5
Which means: loss of 1.3lbs
Bodyfat %: 38.9
BMI: 36.9 (severely obese)
Hey! Finally! I've lost something more significant than a mere .something of a pound. Funny how eating more often is making my weight go down. I haven't even been eating better, per se. I had some fast food (twice, McDonald's and Taco Bell), went out to dinner at TGI Friday's, have had ice cream a lot, just plain overate on Wednesday, and haven't really been watching portions or anything. Granted, because I have no appetite, it's a little hard to really eat all THAT much. Plus, I naturally like to eat things like salmon with some sort of veggie.
Also, I've ate at least three times a day since the 1st of January, when I started doing this. I'm really proud of myself. This really hasn't been easy, but it also hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be.
Today's weigh in: 202.5
Which means: loss of 1.3lbs
Bodyfat %: 38.9
BMI: 36.9 (severely obese)
Hey! Finally! I've lost something more significant than a mere .something of a pound. Funny how eating more often is making my weight go down. I haven't even been eating better, per se. I had some fast food (twice, McDonald's and Taco Bell), went out to dinner at TGI Friday's, have had ice cream a lot, just plain overate on Wednesday, and haven't really been watching portions or anything. Granted, because I have no appetite, it's a little hard to really eat all THAT much. Plus, I naturally like to eat things like salmon with some sort of veggie.
Also, I've ate at least three times a day since the 1st of January, when I started doing this. I'm really proud of myself. This really hasn't been easy, but it also hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Weigh in, January 2
Previous weigh in: 204.2
Today's weigh in: 203.8
Which means: loss of .4lb
This has definitely been slow going. It's no one's fault but my own, so I'm not going to whine about it, nor does it really upset me. I know I can do better, because I have before, but at least it's not a gain. I mean to do better this year.
2011 has come and passed. It brought a lot of tears, a lot of joy, and a lot of hard work. While I can't say I can complain too much about 2011, it could have been better. I intend to make 2012 better.
I've been overworked lately. I clocked out yesterday with 42 hours (hello, OT). I can't really ask to have my hours reduced right now, because I need the money for one and for another, we're kind of short cooks. There's not much Big E (yes, we really do call my KM 'Big E') can really do here. Once things quiet down, and once I get a good lump of money saved (see below), I'll ask him to reduce my hours to about 25-30. (I'm currently working 35-40, which is way too much for me physically and mentally. Thanks, health problems.)
I've never done new year's resolutions before (yes, really). I never promised myself I would lose weight, or do much of another. The new year didn't ever bring a sense of newness for me or a sense of a new chance at things. I always saw it as just another day on the calender. I still kind of do, but I do see the merit in rejoicing that a year has passed and new one has been brought in. There was a huge sense of relief for me that 2011 was finally over once midnight hit. I think that's what really inspired me to think hard about doing something this year.
Most of my resolutions have nothing to do with my weight, really. I didn't make too many, either, because that would frankly just be too overwhelming.
Here they are:
-Save $10k
-Pay at least half of credit card off (better to pay off in full)
-Establish healthy habits
-Lose a minimum of 20lbs in 2012
The saving money is for a very simple reason. I have a lot of mental problems (bipolar and anxiety disorder are the biggest issues I have) and a lot of health problems (chronic migraines, chronic pain, joint problems) that pretty much leave me without function some days. Because I also happen to have a paranoia disorder, I'm terrified that my GM is going to get too frustrated to deal with me and fire me for not being as healthy as the other workers. This is just a paranoia mostly because in the year and a half that I've worked at this place, I've not called out once. I've been sent home a few times (vomiting, migraine, panic attack), but I've never called out. Especially not if I was just "too sad" that day. I get up, get dressed, and go to work whether I feel like I'm going to die inside and out or not. I try my hardest, and while somedays my productivity may not be the best, I get my work done with little complaining. That's the logic of it. The paranoia of it is that "oh god no one gets sent home this much my job is easily done I could be replaced no problem oh god oh god oh god". I know none of that is true. We just fired a prep cook after a week and half. We might fire another one after the same amount of time. I am not easily replaced. I do my job, I do it well, and I try to smile through the pain I'm always in. I'm a trooper, a little soldier, just trying to work through it. D had to force me to sit down once because I was getting ice pick headaches so badly, I was clutching my head with both hands and just exclaiming "AGH" every few minutes. It was making me dizzy and really disoriented. But what did I do? Keep working. Until he steered me over to the break table and made me sit. G ended up making me take a full half hour break (after pumping me full of Excedrin) and then sent me home after I attempted to work for another hour.
Now. The 10k thing. That's a lot of money. Especially in a year. Why $10,000? That'll pay my bills for almost two years. I'd be set for almost two years to find another job. Yes, two years is a VERY long time to be looking for a job, but the economy is terrible, especially in my area. I don't want to chance it that I'll find a job in six months, or less than a year, and then run out of money. My bills won't go away because I'm unemployed. I mean, I'm sure I could work things out with the companies, but I don't want to have to. I want to have things taken care of.
My credit card. Granted, I've got a high-ish balance on it. (Almost $2k) I don't think that's a lot of money, frankly, mostly because my parents have about $15k of credit card debt. That, however, is what is encouraging me to pay off my card in full before I decide to start using it again. I mainly use it for clothing (loliiitaaa) and electronics (bought my PSP, paid it off, still paying my computer off). I'm going to buy a new tablet once I pay it off in full, and not a second before. I'd like to get the balance down to $0 this year, but if I can at least get it under $1,000, I'd be a happy little camper.
It takes about a month to establish a habit in full. There are 12 months in a year. This means I can establish 12 habits this year without overloading myself with stress. I get easily stressed out and intimidated, which is why I think I have to keep redoing this whole weight loss thing. I've already thought of the twelve habits and which months they belong to. I have a little planner I'm going to be using to help me keep track. Each month will have the goal written down at the bottom for my habits. Each day I manage to accomplish the goal, the day on the calender will get a check mark. Each day I don't, it'll get an X. If I can do a week of full checks, I'll treat myself with something small (I'm thinking a candle or wax tart, I love those things). If I can manage a full month of checks, I'll get myself something kind of big (a new outfit, a new book, etc).
They are as follows:
January - Eat at least three times a day. : This is difficult for me because I don't really ever feel hungry. But I'm determined to do this. I did this yesterday, so my first check of the year!
February- Eat 3 servings of vegetables or fruits every day. : I barely eat these anymore. It's upsetting. I know the daily amount is actually five, and my ideal would be MORE than that. But I need to start small here.
March - Eat 5 servings of vegetables or fruits every day. : Here we go!
April - Eat red meat no more than once a week.: This one will work a bit differently. On the days I don't eat red meat, I'll get a check. I'll put an X for the days I do. If I have more than one X a week, then I don't get my treat. If I have one X or no Xs a week, I get my treat. Simple.
May- Exercise at least three times a week. : Again, a bit different. I will 'x' out days where I don't exercise and check days I do. If I have more than four X's, I get no treat.
June- Exercise at least four times a week. : Same as before.
July- Exercise at least five times a week.: Same as before. This will be my max for times I 'have' to do some sort of exercise.
August- Drink soda no more than three times a week. Every day I drink soda, I'll 'x'. If I manage to get through a day with no soda at all, I'll check. More than three x's, then no treat.
September- Eat fast food no more than twice a week.: This will save me money and agony. This is going to work much like the others.
October- Take my vitamins every day.: Yes, I realize this should probably be closer to the top of the list, but as far as health priorities go, this is pretty low for me. I still want to do this, though, so I still think it deserves it's own month.
November- Don't eat prepackaged meals more than twice a week.: I eat a lot of TV dinners right now because they're cheap, easy, and they're not too abysmal. Too abysmal. However, they're abysmal enough. I want to limit the amount I eat to the days where I really am just that exhausted/in pain.
December- Drink more tea, less juice.: I'm going to be replacing that soda intake mostly with juice. I hope to replace the juice mostly with tea. I'm thinking maybe one juice per day, the rest water and tea.
So, those are the habits. Which brings me to wanting to lose at least 20lbs this year. If I follow those, I'm pretty sure I should be able to lose 20lbs, or more, by December. I would REALLY like to lose all that before July, honestly, so I could be the lightest I've ever been in my adult life on my 22nd birthday. But I don't want to freak myself out.
I've written in my planner a loose goal of wanting to lose 5lbs a month. (which does equal out to more than 20lbs in a year, yes)
Have a happy, awesome 2012. I hope your hopes, dreams, and wishes all come true!
Today's weigh in: 203.8
Which means: loss of .4lb
This has definitely been slow going. It's no one's fault but my own, so I'm not going to whine about it, nor does it really upset me. I know I can do better, because I have before, but at least it's not a gain. I mean to do better this year.
2011 has come and passed. It brought a lot of tears, a lot of joy, and a lot of hard work. While I can't say I can complain too much about 2011, it could have been better. I intend to make 2012 better.
I've been overworked lately. I clocked out yesterday with 42 hours (hello, OT). I can't really ask to have my hours reduced right now, because I need the money for one and for another, we're kind of short cooks. There's not much Big E (yes, we really do call my KM 'Big E') can really do here. Once things quiet down, and once I get a good lump of money saved (see below), I'll ask him to reduce my hours to about 25-30. (I'm currently working 35-40, which is way too much for me physically and mentally. Thanks, health problems.)
I've never done new year's resolutions before (yes, really). I never promised myself I would lose weight, or do much of another. The new year didn't ever bring a sense of newness for me or a sense of a new chance at things. I always saw it as just another day on the calender. I still kind of do, but I do see the merit in rejoicing that a year has passed and new one has been brought in. There was a huge sense of relief for me that 2011 was finally over once midnight hit. I think that's what really inspired me to think hard about doing something this year.
Most of my resolutions have nothing to do with my weight, really. I didn't make too many, either, because that would frankly just be too overwhelming.
Here they are:
-Save $10k
-Pay at least half of credit card off (better to pay off in full)
-Establish healthy habits
-Lose a minimum of 20lbs in 2012
The saving money is for a very simple reason. I have a lot of mental problems (bipolar and anxiety disorder are the biggest issues I have) and a lot of health problems (chronic migraines, chronic pain, joint problems) that pretty much leave me without function some days. Because I also happen to have a paranoia disorder, I'm terrified that my GM is going to get too frustrated to deal with me and fire me for not being as healthy as the other workers. This is just a paranoia mostly because in the year and a half that I've worked at this place, I've not called out once. I've been sent home a few times (vomiting, migraine, panic attack), but I've never called out. Especially not if I was just "too sad" that day. I get up, get dressed, and go to work whether I feel like I'm going to die inside and out or not. I try my hardest, and while somedays my productivity may not be the best, I get my work done with little complaining. That's the logic of it. The paranoia of it is that "oh god no one gets sent home this much my job is easily done I could be replaced no problem oh god oh god oh god". I know none of that is true. We just fired a prep cook after a week and half. We might fire another one after the same amount of time. I am not easily replaced. I do my job, I do it well, and I try to smile through the pain I'm always in. I'm a trooper, a little soldier, just trying to work through it. D had to force me to sit down once because I was getting ice pick headaches so badly, I was clutching my head with both hands and just exclaiming "AGH" every few minutes. It was making me dizzy and really disoriented. But what did I do? Keep working. Until he steered me over to the break table and made me sit. G ended up making me take a full half hour break (after pumping me full of Excedrin) and then sent me home after I attempted to work for another hour.
Now. The 10k thing. That's a lot of money. Especially in a year. Why $10,000? That'll pay my bills for almost two years. I'd be set for almost two years to find another job. Yes, two years is a VERY long time to be looking for a job, but the economy is terrible, especially in my area. I don't want to chance it that I'll find a job in six months, or less than a year, and then run out of money. My bills won't go away because I'm unemployed. I mean, I'm sure I could work things out with the companies, but I don't want to have to. I want to have things taken care of.
My credit card. Granted, I've got a high-ish balance on it. (Almost $2k) I don't think that's a lot of money, frankly, mostly because my parents have about $15k of credit card debt. That, however, is what is encouraging me to pay off my card in full before I decide to start using it again. I mainly use it for clothing (loliiitaaa) and electronics (bought my PSP, paid it off, still paying my computer off). I'm going to buy a new tablet once I pay it off in full, and not a second before. I'd like to get the balance down to $0 this year, but if I can at least get it under $1,000, I'd be a happy little camper.
It takes about a month to establish a habit in full. There are 12 months in a year. This means I can establish 12 habits this year without overloading myself with stress. I get easily stressed out and intimidated, which is why I think I have to keep redoing this whole weight loss thing. I've already thought of the twelve habits and which months they belong to. I have a little planner I'm going to be using to help me keep track. Each month will have the goal written down at the bottom for my habits. Each day I manage to accomplish the goal, the day on the calender will get a check mark. Each day I don't, it'll get an X. If I can do a week of full checks, I'll treat myself with something small (I'm thinking a candle or wax tart, I love those things). If I can manage a full month of checks, I'll get myself something kind of big (a new outfit, a new book, etc).
They are as follows:
January - Eat at least three times a day. : This is difficult for me because I don't really ever feel hungry. But I'm determined to do this. I did this yesterday, so my first check of the year!
February- Eat 3 servings of vegetables or fruits every day. : I barely eat these anymore. It's upsetting. I know the daily amount is actually five, and my ideal would be MORE than that. But I need to start small here.
March - Eat 5 servings of vegetables or fruits every day. : Here we go!
April - Eat red meat no more than once a week.: This one will work a bit differently. On the days I don't eat red meat, I'll get a check. I'll put an X for the days I do. If I have more than one X a week, then I don't get my treat. If I have one X or no Xs a week, I get my treat. Simple.
May- Exercise at least three times a week. : Again, a bit different. I will 'x' out days where I don't exercise and check days I do. If I have more than four X's, I get no treat.
June- Exercise at least four times a week. : Same as before.
July- Exercise at least five times a week.: Same as before. This will be my max for times I 'have' to do some sort of exercise.
August- Drink soda no more than three times a week. Every day I drink soda, I'll 'x'. If I manage to get through a day with no soda at all, I'll check. More than three x's, then no treat.
September- Eat fast food no more than twice a week.: This will save me money and agony. This is going to work much like the others.
October- Take my vitamins every day.: Yes, I realize this should probably be closer to the top of the list, but as far as health priorities go, this is pretty low for me. I still want to do this, though, so I still think it deserves it's own month.
November- Don't eat prepackaged meals more than twice a week.: I eat a lot of TV dinners right now because they're cheap, easy, and they're not too abysmal. Too abysmal. However, they're abysmal enough. I want to limit the amount I eat to the days where I really am just that exhausted/in pain.
December- Drink more tea, less juice.: I'm going to be replacing that soda intake mostly with juice. I hope to replace the juice mostly with tea. I'm thinking maybe one juice per day, the rest water and tea.
So, those are the habits. Which brings me to wanting to lose at least 20lbs this year. If I follow those, I'm pretty sure I should be able to lose 20lbs, or more, by December. I would REALLY like to lose all that before July, honestly, so I could be the lightest I've ever been in my adult life on my 22nd birthday. But I don't want to freak myself out.
I've written in my planner a loose goal of wanting to lose 5lbs a month. (which does equal out to more than 20lbs in a year, yes)
Have a happy, awesome 2012. I hope your hopes, dreams, and wishes all come true!
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