Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Weigh in, November 29

Previous weigh in: 206.6lbs
This morning: 204.8lbs
Which means: loss of 1.8lbs

I have no idea when to actually do my weigh-ins. I don't have a regular work schedule and I don't like to do it before work, because I usually forget what the scale said that morning and I don't have time to update my blog or write it down before work.

Also, my scale says I'm about 40% body fat (40.3? 40.8? Something like that.) That's a LOT. Gosh. I think that's less than last week, though? I can't entirely remember, since I didn't write it down. I'll try to from now on.

Monday, November 21, 2011


Met my goal of 300 minutes of exercise this month. Unfortunately, it was all just walking and nothing extra. However, it's something. Next month's goal will be 400 minutes. Now that I have a working scale, it's taking everything in my power not to weigh myself more than once a week. It's a kind of fancy scale, too, that gives body fat percentages and all that, which is really neat.

I have a LOT of housework to do, so I'm very unlikely to be doing any exercise aside from that and walking for the next month or two. I need to completely clean out the storage room, clean the kitchen top to bottom, the living room top to bottom, the second floor bathroom top to the bottom, the third floor bathroom the same. The game room needs to be cleaned out, too, and my own room and the third floor hallway. It's kind of like spring cleaning, but way before spring. My sister's coming to visit and I haven't seen her in about three or four years, so I'm pretty excited to have everything super awesome and special for her when she shows up. I'll try and remember to wear my heart rate monitor while cleaning to see what that does for me, since I'll be running up and down three flights of stairs that whole time. I have until about March or so, but I don't want to leave this all for last second. We're turning the storage room into the guest room, so that's the first big thing to tackle.

One of my hopes with her visiting is that it'll be incentive to really lose some weight. I don't want to be this weight, or anywhere near it, when she shows up. I don't know why, but I really want her to see that I've lost weight. Probably because I know she's the only one in my family aside from my father, really, who wanted me to lose weight for all the right reasons and was never a jerk about it. She never once called me fat or anything growing up and she always was really gentle in her encouragement. She's also pretty much the only person in my family who's encouraged me to just be me. She means a lot to me, so I can't wait to see her again. It'll also be the first time I'll be meeting my niece, and the second time I'll be meeting my nephew. I have six nieces and nephews total, but those two are the ones I never see.

I really want to rework my goals for weightloss and my rewards system. I want to take this slowly, and take it one step at a time. I really think I was too stuck on the big picture last time. It was one thing for me to have lost 11 pounds or so, but I STILL had 70 or so left and that was just disheartening. I know a lot of people out there started with way more than I did, or still have way more than I do to lose, but I'm not them. I'm me. I appreciate the weight I've lost so far and the amount I've managed to keep off, but I'm not healthy this way. I'm perfectly happy, aside from the health issues. So, the health issues need to be addressed. I want to take this more on the strain of five pounds at a time. I'll lose five, see how I feel, and decide if another five need to go. Chances are I will decide that yes, another five need to be lost a few times, seeing as I'm at over 200lbs. I'm pretty sure some of that is gained weight from this summer and such, but I'm not sure how much of it is because of my scale situation.

I'm likely going to be going to a psychiatrist at some point within the next few months. Prince T is really encouraging it so I can get some updated diagnoses and maybe see if I can get some health insurance based on this. This would also make it easier to get benefits set up for myself if I end up unable to work thanks to my mental problems. These are things I've always worried about, but I didn't think just getting a diagnosis would do anything. Prince T is pretty insistent on it, and he's sure it will do a world of good for me to just have that on my medical record. To be honest, I'm terrified of going. He's going to have to drag me kicking and screaming into that office when the time comes and I know it. But I also know it's in my best interest to go, at least once.

Sunday, November 20, 2011


Finally got a new scale last night. I only weighed in this morning,though. Because I don't know how long, exactly, my scale was bonkers, I'm changing my starting weight to the one the new scale said. I don't really think it's fair to compare the weights from two different scales. Here's hoping that maybe knowing the numbers will help keep me in check? Will be updating measurements as soon as I find the darned tape measure, too.

As for the weight, I came in at 206.6lbs today. 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

It's hard

To stay motivated, anyhow.

I want to just do what I want to do. I don't want to give myself any rules and I don't want to worry about numbers or grams or pounds or anything. I don't want to worry about fat or protein or sodium. I don't want to watch my caffeine intake. I don't want to take vitamins.

I also don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to have such a difficult time finding clothing. I don't want to do the seesaw yo yo game. I don't want to be tired or sick or sluggish anymore. I don't want to have to worry about whether I'm too heavy or too big. I don't want to have to worry about my health any more than a woman of 21 years should.

As I type this, I've got a fairly horrific pain in my right arm. It started in my hand and traveled its way up to my upper arm. It's still kind of in my hand and through my forearm, but it's mostly in my upper arm now. This is normal for me. This is normal for my legs, as well. This isn't normal. I don't know what it is, to a certain extent I have an idea of what it could be, but I don't want to self-diagnose.

Basically, I'm just sick of worrying. And I'm sick of making myself sick.

When I get a new scale, I'll weigh myself again. I'll start taking measurements again soon as well. I still stand firm on that I won't be counting calories. I will be watching fat, sodium, protein, fibre, sugars, etc, though. I'm still walking a lot, so that isn't really going to change in and of itself. Once I get the gaming room clean again, I can start playing my various dancing games again. Also need to make room for the elliptical I want to buy. Hopefully that will be happening within the next week as well.

We'll see. I'll be checking in.