Previous weigh in: 201.2
Today's weigh in: 204.8
Which means: gain of 3.6lbs
Body fat %: 40% (up 3.1%)
BMI: 37.7 (severely obese) (up .9)
I was so close to being 200 or under! Ah well. I screw it up on my own, to be completely frank. Eating out, not watching my portions, no activity, nothing.
I started tracking my food in SparkPeople yesterday...and almost did well! I ended up having a different dinner and not updating it. Because that's me.
Today, though, I've been very spot on. I hope to keep doing this and to actually start losing again. When I lost the most weight, way back when, I used SparkPeople's tracking journal for food and activity. So, hopefully I can have that repeat and end up losing heaps and heaps of weight. Well, er, until I hit goal, anyhow.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Weigh-in Jan 25, 2012
Previous weigh in: 202.5
Today's weigh in: 201.2
Which means: loss of 1.3lbs
Body fat %: 38.7 (down .2% from last time)
BMI: 36.8 (severely obese) (down .1% from last time)
Another 1.3lbs loss. Creepy! I've been busy. Running here, running there. Short recap of my time:
Working, per usual. This week's actually very light, but that means other things have been done.
Had a doc's appointment (at a low income clinic)
Got on birth control pills, so I've been absolutely miiiiseraaaableee lately.
Been spending a LOT of time with Prince T.
Chores.
Painting.
Now. I've ate at least 3 times a day all month so far! That's a good thing.
I started January at 203.8lbs. That makes a 2.6lbs loss for the month so far. I'm behind on my 5lbs goal per month. That's okay, honestly. It's secondary to the healthier habits I'm trying to make right now.
Saving for a car. Found my dream car. (A VW Jetta. Used. Green. Lovely. Want it.) It's going to be about $3k after taxes and such. I will have this car.
These pills made me extremely nauseous yesterday. I'm going to have just toast for breakfast today, just in case. If I feel well enough by lunch time, I'll have a light but more substantial lunch. If I still feel alright by dinner time, I'll have a real dinner. And not just a repeat of lunch or breakfast. I have a bottle of extra stength Tums and a bottle of extra strength Excedrine. I'll be good.
Today's weigh in: 201.2
Which means: loss of 1.3lbs
Body fat %: 38.7 (down .2% from last time)
BMI: 36.8 (severely obese) (down .1% from last time)
Another 1.3lbs loss. Creepy! I've been busy. Running here, running there. Short recap of my time:
Working, per usual. This week's actually very light, but that means other things have been done.
Had a doc's appointment (at a low income clinic)
Got on birth control pills, so I've been absolutely miiiiseraaaableee lately.
Been spending a LOT of time with Prince T.
Chores.
Painting.
Now. I've ate at least 3 times a day all month so far! That's a good thing.
I started January at 203.8lbs. That makes a 2.6lbs loss for the month so far. I'm behind on my 5lbs goal per month. That's okay, honestly. It's secondary to the healthier habits I'm trying to make right now.
Saving for a car. Found my dream car. (A VW Jetta. Used. Green. Lovely. Want it.) It's going to be about $3k after taxes and such. I will have this car.
These pills made me extremely nauseous yesterday. I'm going to have just toast for breakfast today, just in case. If I feel well enough by lunch time, I'll have a light but more substantial lunch. If I still feel alright by dinner time, I'll have a real dinner. And not just a repeat of lunch or breakfast. I have a bottle of extra stength Tums and a bottle of extra strength Excedrine. I'll be good.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Weigh in, January 9
Previous weigh in: 203.8
Today's weigh in: 202.5
Which means: loss of 1.3lbs
Bodyfat %: 38.9
BMI: 36.9 (severely obese)
Hey! Finally! I've lost something more significant than a mere .something of a pound. Funny how eating more often is making my weight go down. I haven't even been eating better, per se. I had some fast food (twice, McDonald's and Taco Bell), went out to dinner at TGI Friday's, have had ice cream a lot, just plain overate on Wednesday, and haven't really been watching portions or anything. Granted, because I have no appetite, it's a little hard to really eat all THAT much. Plus, I naturally like to eat things like salmon with some sort of veggie.
Also, I've ate at least three times a day since the 1st of January, when I started doing this. I'm really proud of myself. This really hasn't been easy, but it also hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be.
Today's weigh in: 202.5
Which means: loss of 1.3lbs
Bodyfat %: 38.9
BMI: 36.9 (severely obese)
Hey! Finally! I've lost something more significant than a mere .something of a pound. Funny how eating more often is making my weight go down. I haven't even been eating better, per se. I had some fast food (twice, McDonald's and Taco Bell), went out to dinner at TGI Friday's, have had ice cream a lot, just plain overate on Wednesday, and haven't really been watching portions or anything. Granted, because I have no appetite, it's a little hard to really eat all THAT much. Plus, I naturally like to eat things like salmon with some sort of veggie.
Also, I've ate at least three times a day since the 1st of January, when I started doing this. I'm really proud of myself. This really hasn't been easy, but it also hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Weigh in, January 2
Previous weigh in: 204.2
Today's weigh in: 203.8
Which means: loss of .4lb
This has definitely been slow going. It's no one's fault but my own, so I'm not going to whine about it, nor does it really upset me. I know I can do better, because I have before, but at least it's not a gain. I mean to do better this year.
2011 has come and passed. It brought a lot of tears, a lot of joy, and a lot of hard work. While I can't say I can complain too much about 2011, it could have been better. I intend to make 2012 better.
I've been overworked lately. I clocked out yesterday with 42 hours (hello, OT). I can't really ask to have my hours reduced right now, because I need the money for one and for another, we're kind of short cooks. There's not much Big E (yes, we really do call my KM 'Big E') can really do here. Once things quiet down, and once I get a good lump of money saved (see below), I'll ask him to reduce my hours to about 25-30. (I'm currently working 35-40, which is way too much for me physically and mentally. Thanks, health problems.)
I've never done new year's resolutions before (yes, really). I never promised myself I would lose weight, or do much of another. The new year didn't ever bring a sense of newness for me or a sense of a new chance at things. I always saw it as just another day on the calender. I still kind of do, but I do see the merit in rejoicing that a year has passed and new one has been brought in. There was a huge sense of relief for me that 2011 was finally over once midnight hit. I think that's what really inspired me to think hard about doing something this year.
Most of my resolutions have nothing to do with my weight, really. I didn't make too many, either, because that would frankly just be too overwhelming.
Here they are:
-Save $10k
-Pay at least half of credit card off (better to pay off in full)
-Establish healthy habits
-Lose a minimum of 20lbs in 2012
The saving money is for a very simple reason. I have a lot of mental problems (bipolar and anxiety disorder are the biggest issues I have) and a lot of health problems (chronic migraines, chronic pain, joint problems) that pretty much leave me without function some days. Because I also happen to have a paranoia disorder, I'm terrified that my GM is going to get too frustrated to deal with me and fire me for not being as healthy as the other workers. This is just a paranoia mostly because in the year and a half that I've worked at this place, I've not called out once. I've been sent home a few times (vomiting, migraine, panic attack), but I've never called out. Especially not if I was just "too sad" that day. I get up, get dressed, and go to work whether I feel like I'm going to die inside and out or not. I try my hardest, and while somedays my productivity may not be the best, I get my work done with little complaining. That's the logic of it. The paranoia of it is that "oh god no one gets sent home this much my job is easily done I could be replaced no problem oh god oh god oh god". I know none of that is true. We just fired a prep cook after a week and half. We might fire another one after the same amount of time. I am not easily replaced. I do my job, I do it well, and I try to smile through the pain I'm always in. I'm a trooper, a little soldier, just trying to work through it. D had to force me to sit down once because I was getting ice pick headaches so badly, I was clutching my head with both hands and just exclaiming "AGH" every few minutes. It was making me dizzy and really disoriented. But what did I do? Keep working. Until he steered me over to the break table and made me sit. G ended up making me take a full half hour break (after pumping me full of Excedrin) and then sent me home after I attempted to work for another hour.
Now. The 10k thing. That's a lot of money. Especially in a year. Why $10,000? That'll pay my bills for almost two years. I'd be set for almost two years to find another job. Yes, two years is a VERY long time to be looking for a job, but the economy is terrible, especially in my area. I don't want to chance it that I'll find a job in six months, or less than a year, and then run out of money. My bills won't go away because I'm unemployed. I mean, I'm sure I could work things out with the companies, but I don't want to have to. I want to have things taken care of.
My credit card. Granted, I've got a high-ish balance on it. (Almost $2k) I don't think that's a lot of money, frankly, mostly because my parents have about $15k of credit card debt. That, however, is what is encouraging me to pay off my card in full before I decide to start using it again. I mainly use it for clothing (loliiitaaa) and electronics (bought my PSP, paid it off, still paying my computer off). I'm going to buy a new tablet once I pay it off in full, and not a second before. I'd like to get the balance down to $0 this year, but if I can at least get it under $1,000, I'd be a happy little camper.
It takes about a month to establish a habit in full. There are 12 months in a year. This means I can establish 12 habits this year without overloading myself with stress. I get easily stressed out and intimidated, which is why I think I have to keep redoing this whole weight loss thing. I've already thought of the twelve habits and which months they belong to. I have a little planner I'm going to be using to help me keep track. Each month will have the goal written down at the bottom for my habits. Each day I manage to accomplish the goal, the day on the calender will get a check mark. Each day I don't, it'll get an X. If I can do a week of full checks, I'll treat myself with something small (I'm thinking a candle or wax tart, I love those things). If I can manage a full month of checks, I'll get myself something kind of big (a new outfit, a new book, etc).
They are as follows:
January - Eat at least three times a day. : This is difficult for me because I don't really ever feel hungry. But I'm determined to do this. I did this yesterday, so my first check of the year!
February- Eat 3 servings of vegetables or fruits every day. : I barely eat these anymore. It's upsetting. I know the daily amount is actually five, and my ideal would be MORE than that. But I need to start small here.
March - Eat 5 servings of vegetables or fruits every day. : Here we go!
April - Eat red meat no more than once a week.: This one will work a bit differently. On the days I don't eat red meat, I'll get a check. I'll put an X for the days I do. If I have more than one X a week, then I don't get my treat. If I have one X or no Xs a week, I get my treat. Simple.
May- Exercise at least three times a week. : Again, a bit different. I will 'x' out days where I don't exercise and check days I do. If I have more than four X's, I get no treat.
June- Exercise at least four times a week. : Same as before.
July- Exercise at least five times a week.: Same as before. This will be my max for times I 'have' to do some sort of exercise.
August- Drink soda no more than three times a week. Every day I drink soda, I'll 'x'. If I manage to get through a day with no soda at all, I'll check. More than three x's, then no treat.
September- Eat fast food no more than twice a week.: This will save me money and agony. This is going to work much like the others.
October- Take my vitamins every day.: Yes, I realize this should probably be closer to the top of the list, but as far as health priorities go, this is pretty low for me. I still want to do this, though, so I still think it deserves it's own month.
November- Don't eat prepackaged meals more than twice a week.: I eat a lot of TV dinners right now because they're cheap, easy, and they're not too abysmal. Too abysmal. However, they're abysmal enough. I want to limit the amount I eat to the days where I really am just that exhausted/in pain.
December- Drink more tea, less juice.: I'm going to be replacing that soda intake mostly with juice. I hope to replace the juice mostly with tea. I'm thinking maybe one juice per day, the rest water and tea.
So, those are the habits. Which brings me to wanting to lose at least 20lbs this year. If I follow those, I'm pretty sure I should be able to lose 20lbs, or more, by December. I would REALLY like to lose all that before July, honestly, so I could be the lightest I've ever been in my adult life on my 22nd birthday. But I don't want to freak myself out.
I've written in my planner a loose goal of wanting to lose 5lbs a month. (which does equal out to more than 20lbs in a year, yes)
Have a happy, awesome 2012. I hope your hopes, dreams, and wishes all come true!
Today's weigh in: 203.8
Which means: loss of .4lb
This has definitely been slow going. It's no one's fault but my own, so I'm not going to whine about it, nor does it really upset me. I know I can do better, because I have before, but at least it's not a gain. I mean to do better this year.
2011 has come and passed. It brought a lot of tears, a lot of joy, and a lot of hard work. While I can't say I can complain too much about 2011, it could have been better. I intend to make 2012 better.
I've been overworked lately. I clocked out yesterday with 42 hours (hello, OT). I can't really ask to have my hours reduced right now, because I need the money for one and for another, we're kind of short cooks. There's not much Big E (yes, we really do call my KM 'Big E') can really do here. Once things quiet down, and once I get a good lump of money saved (see below), I'll ask him to reduce my hours to about 25-30. (I'm currently working 35-40, which is way too much for me physically and mentally. Thanks, health problems.)
I've never done new year's resolutions before (yes, really). I never promised myself I would lose weight, or do much of another. The new year didn't ever bring a sense of newness for me or a sense of a new chance at things. I always saw it as just another day on the calender. I still kind of do, but I do see the merit in rejoicing that a year has passed and new one has been brought in. There was a huge sense of relief for me that 2011 was finally over once midnight hit. I think that's what really inspired me to think hard about doing something this year.
Most of my resolutions have nothing to do with my weight, really. I didn't make too many, either, because that would frankly just be too overwhelming.
Here they are:
-Save $10k
-Pay at least half of credit card off (better to pay off in full)
-Establish healthy habits
-Lose a minimum of 20lbs in 2012
The saving money is for a very simple reason. I have a lot of mental problems (bipolar and anxiety disorder are the biggest issues I have) and a lot of health problems (chronic migraines, chronic pain, joint problems) that pretty much leave me without function some days. Because I also happen to have a paranoia disorder, I'm terrified that my GM is going to get too frustrated to deal with me and fire me for not being as healthy as the other workers. This is just a paranoia mostly because in the year and a half that I've worked at this place, I've not called out once. I've been sent home a few times (vomiting, migraine, panic attack), but I've never called out. Especially not if I was just "too sad" that day. I get up, get dressed, and go to work whether I feel like I'm going to die inside and out or not. I try my hardest, and while somedays my productivity may not be the best, I get my work done with little complaining. That's the logic of it. The paranoia of it is that "oh god no one gets sent home this much my job is easily done I could be replaced no problem oh god oh god oh god". I know none of that is true. We just fired a prep cook after a week and half. We might fire another one after the same amount of time. I am not easily replaced. I do my job, I do it well, and I try to smile through the pain I'm always in. I'm a trooper, a little soldier, just trying to work through it. D had to force me to sit down once because I was getting ice pick headaches so badly, I was clutching my head with both hands and just exclaiming "AGH" every few minutes. It was making me dizzy and really disoriented. But what did I do? Keep working. Until he steered me over to the break table and made me sit. G ended up making me take a full half hour break (after pumping me full of Excedrin) and then sent me home after I attempted to work for another hour.
Now. The 10k thing. That's a lot of money. Especially in a year. Why $10,000? That'll pay my bills for almost two years. I'd be set for almost two years to find another job. Yes, two years is a VERY long time to be looking for a job, but the economy is terrible, especially in my area. I don't want to chance it that I'll find a job in six months, or less than a year, and then run out of money. My bills won't go away because I'm unemployed. I mean, I'm sure I could work things out with the companies, but I don't want to have to. I want to have things taken care of.
My credit card. Granted, I've got a high-ish balance on it. (Almost $2k) I don't think that's a lot of money, frankly, mostly because my parents have about $15k of credit card debt. That, however, is what is encouraging me to pay off my card in full before I decide to start using it again. I mainly use it for clothing (loliiitaaa) and electronics (bought my PSP, paid it off, still paying my computer off). I'm going to buy a new tablet once I pay it off in full, and not a second before. I'd like to get the balance down to $0 this year, but if I can at least get it under $1,000, I'd be a happy little camper.
It takes about a month to establish a habit in full. There are 12 months in a year. This means I can establish 12 habits this year without overloading myself with stress. I get easily stressed out and intimidated, which is why I think I have to keep redoing this whole weight loss thing. I've already thought of the twelve habits and which months they belong to. I have a little planner I'm going to be using to help me keep track. Each month will have the goal written down at the bottom for my habits. Each day I manage to accomplish the goal, the day on the calender will get a check mark. Each day I don't, it'll get an X. If I can do a week of full checks, I'll treat myself with something small (I'm thinking a candle or wax tart, I love those things). If I can manage a full month of checks, I'll get myself something kind of big (a new outfit, a new book, etc).
They are as follows:
January - Eat at least three times a day. : This is difficult for me because I don't really ever feel hungry. But I'm determined to do this. I did this yesterday, so my first check of the year!
February- Eat 3 servings of vegetables or fruits every day. : I barely eat these anymore. It's upsetting. I know the daily amount is actually five, and my ideal would be MORE than that. But I need to start small here.
March - Eat 5 servings of vegetables or fruits every day. : Here we go!
April - Eat red meat no more than once a week.: This one will work a bit differently. On the days I don't eat red meat, I'll get a check. I'll put an X for the days I do. If I have more than one X a week, then I don't get my treat. If I have one X or no Xs a week, I get my treat. Simple.
May- Exercise at least three times a week. : Again, a bit different. I will 'x' out days where I don't exercise and check days I do. If I have more than four X's, I get no treat.
June- Exercise at least four times a week. : Same as before.
July- Exercise at least five times a week.: Same as before. This will be my max for times I 'have' to do some sort of exercise.
August- Drink soda no more than three times a week. Every day I drink soda, I'll 'x'. If I manage to get through a day with no soda at all, I'll check. More than three x's, then no treat.
September- Eat fast food no more than twice a week.: This will save me money and agony. This is going to work much like the others.
October- Take my vitamins every day.: Yes, I realize this should probably be closer to the top of the list, but as far as health priorities go, this is pretty low for me. I still want to do this, though, so I still think it deserves it's own month.
November- Don't eat prepackaged meals more than twice a week.: I eat a lot of TV dinners right now because they're cheap, easy, and they're not too abysmal. Too abysmal. However, they're abysmal enough. I want to limit the amount I eat to the days where I really am just that exhausted/in pain.
December- Drink more tea, less juice.: I'm going to be replacing that soda intake mostly with juice. I hope to replace the juice mostly with tea. I'm thinking maybe one juice per day, the rest water and tea.
So, those are the habits. Which brings me to wanting to lose at least 20lbs this year. If I follow those, I'm pretty sure I should be able to lose 20lbs, or more, by December. I would REALLY like to lose all that before July, honestly, so I could be the lightest I've ever been in my adult life on my 22nd birthday. But I don't want to freak myself out.
I've written in my planner a loose goal of wanting to lose 5lbs a month. (which does equal out to more than 20lbs in a year, yes)
Have a happy, awesome 2012. I hope your hopes, dreams, and wishes all come true!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Weigh in, December 11
Well. Uh. It's been over a week. Dammit. I really should get better at this again.
Anyhoo.
Previous weigh in: 204.8
Today's weigh in: 204.2
Which means: loss of .6lbs
Okay, that's not a lot. And considering I skipped a week, it's likely that I gained weight at some point and probably lost some again.
My scale said I was 39.9% bodyfat this morning.
I'm going to a breakfast with Prince T this morning at my workplace. It's a Christmas thing and I'm not big on Christmas, but there'll be free food and also he's wanted to meet some of my co-workers for a while. He's not entirely convinced they all exist to the ridiculous extent that they do. I know the food will be tasty, and real, since it's being cooked by my boss this morning. I have no doubts in his abilities to make eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, and hashbrowns. I'll try not to go overboard, and considering how little I normally eat in the morning, this shouldn't be too difficult.
I need to quit eating out (fast food). I always end up getting more food than I actually need and then eating it all at once anyway. Even if the individual items aren't really that bad, what difference does it make if they end up totaling over 1,000 calories for one meal? Granted, I've only been eating one meal a day lately, but that has to be rectified as well. I'm going to continue my weekly ritual of eating out to a sit down restaurant once a week, finances willing. I just have to start making better choices there (like, not everything fried. my poor stomach).
Prince T is trying to convince me to get a gym membership with him and I keep just giggling at him every time. I know he means well and I know gyms are good things, but we don't do even remotely the same things at the gym. I do mostly cardio with a little bit of weights. He does all weights. It's not like we'd be keeping each other company at the gym at that rate. And I wanted to get a small, inexpensive home elliptical machine. So that would cover my cardio. I can get a small set of weights, as well, and that'll cover strength training. I don't really need the gym. He does, since he's doing some major strength training and bulking up, but not me.
Hopefully I'll have next Sunday off and can do my weigh in then. Or I'll just start keeping a note pad in the bathroom so I can write down the numbers before I go to work. That would be infinitely more reliable and logical, wouldn't it? I'll see if Prince T can stop by a small store or something at some point today so I can get one.
Anyhoo.
Previous weigh in: 204.8
Today's weigh in: 204.2
Which means: loss of .6lbs
Okay, that's not a lot. And considering I skipped a week, it's likely that I gained weight at some point and probably lost some again.
My scale said I was 39.9% bodyfat this morning.
I'm going to a breakfast with Prince T this morning at my workplace. It's a Christmas thing and I'm not big on Christmas, but there'll be free food and also he's wanted to meet some of my co-workers for a while. He's not entirely convinced they all exist to the ridiculous extent that they do. I know the food will be tasty, and real, since it's being cooked by my boss this morning. I have no doubts in his abilities to make eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, and hashbrowns. I'll try not to go overboard, and considering how little I normally eat in the morning, this shouldn't be too difficult.
I need to quit eating out (fast food). I always end up getting more food than I actually need and then eating it all at once anyway. Even if the individual items aren't really that bad, what difference does it make if they end up totaling over 1,000 calories for one meal? Granted, I've only been eating one meal a day lately, but that has to be rectified as well. I'm going to continue my weekly ritual of eating out to a sit down restaurant once a week, finances willing. I just have to start making better choices there (like, not everything fried. my poor stomach).
Prince T is trying to convince me to get a gym membership with him and I keep just giggling at him every time. I know he means well and I know gyms are good things, but we don't do even remotely the same things at the gym. I do mostly cardio with a little bit of weights. He does all weights. It's not like we'd be keeping each other company at the gym at that rate. And I wanted to get a small, inexpensive home elliptical machine. So that would cover my cardio. I can get a small set of weights, as well, and that'll cover strength training. I don't really need the gym. He does, since he's doing some major strength training and bulking up, but not me.
Hopefully I'll have next Sunday off and can do my weigh in then. Or I'll just start keeping a note pad in the bathroom so I can write down the numbers before I go to work. That would be infinitely more reliable and logical, wouldn't it? I'll see if Prince T can stop by a small store or something at some point today so I can get one.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Weigh in, November 29
Previous weigh in: 206.6lbs
This morning: 204.8lbs
Which means: loss of 1.8lbs
I have no idea when to actually do my weigh-ins. I don't have a regular work schedule and I don't like to do it before work, because I usually forget what the scale said that morning and I don't have time to update my blog or write it down before work.
Also, my scale says I'm about 40% body fat (40.3? 40.8? Something like that.) That's a LOT. Gosh. I think that's less than last week, though? I can't entirely remember, since I didn't write it down. I'll try to from now on.
This morning: 204.8lbs
Which means: loss of 1.8lbs
I have no idea when to actually do my weigh-ins. I don't have a regular work schedule and I don't like to do it before work, because I usually forget what the scale said that morning and I don't have time to update my blog or write it down before work.
Also, my scale says I'm about 40% body fat (40.3? 40.8? Something like that.) That's a LOT. Gosh. I think that's less than last week, though? I can't entirely remember, since I didn't write it down. I'll try to from now on.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Met
Met my goal of 300 minutes of exercise this month. Unfortunately, it was all just walking and nothing extra. However, it's something. Next month's goal will be 400 minutes. Now that I have a working scale, it's taking everything in my power not to weigh myself more than once a week. It's a kind of fancy scale, too, that gives body fat percentages and all that, which is really neat.
I have a LOT of housework to do, so I'm very unlikely to be doing any exercise aside from that and walking for the next month or two. I need to completely clean out the storage room, clean the kitchen top to bottom, the living room top to bottom, the second floor bathroom top to the bottom, the third floor bathroom the same. The game room needs to be cleaned out, too, and my own room and the third floor hallway. It's kind of like spring cleaning, but way before spring. My sister's coming to visit and I haven't seen her in about three or four years, so I'm pretty excited to have everything super awesome and special for her when she shows up. I'll try and remember to wear my heart rate monitor while cleaning to see what that does for me, since I'll be running up and down three flights of stairs that whole time. I have until about March or so, but I don't want to leave this all for last second. We're turning the storage room into the guest room, so that's the first big thing to tackle.
One of my hopes with her visiting is that it'll be incentive to really lose some weight. I don't want to be this weight, or anywhere near it, when she shows up. I don't know why, but I really want her to see that I've lost weight. Probably because I know she's the only one in my family aside from my father, really, who wanted me to lose weight for all the right reasons and was never a jerk about it. She never once called me fat or anything growing up and she always was really gentle in her encouragement. She's also pretty much the only person in my family who's encouraged me to just be me. She means a lot to me, so I can't wait to see her again. It'll also be the first time I'll be meeting my niece, and the second time I'll be meeting my nephew. I have six nieces and nephews total, but those two are the ones I never see.
I really want to rework my goals for weightloss and my rewards system. I want to take this slowly, and take it one step at a time. I really think I was too stuck on the big picture last time. It was one thing for me to have lost 11 pounds or so, but I STILL had 70 or so left and that was just disheartening. I know a lot of people out there started with way more than I did, or still have way more than I do to lose, but I'm not them. I'm me. I appreciate the weight I've lost so far and the amount I've managed to keep off, but I'm not healthy this way. I'm perfectly happy, aside from the health issues. So, the health issues need to be addressed. I want to take this more on the strain of five pounds at a time. I'll lose five, see how I feel, and decide if another five need to go. Chances are I will decide that yes, another five need to be lost a few times, seeing as I'm at over 200lbs. I'm pretty sure some of that is gained weight from this summer and such, but I'm not sure how much of it is because of my scale situation.
I'm likely going to be going to a psychiatrist at some point within the next few months. Prince T is really encouraging it so I can get some updated diagnoses and maybe see if I can get some health insurance based on this. This would also make it easier to get benefits set up for myself if I end up unable to work thanks to my mental problems. These are things I've always worried about, but I didn't think just getting a diagnosis would do anything. Prince T is pretty insistent on it, and he's sure it will do a world of good for me to just have that on my medical record. To be honest, I'm terrified of going. He's going to have to drag me kicking and screaming into that office when the time comes and I know it. But I also know it's in my best interest to go, at least once.
I have a LOT of housework to do, so I'm very unlikely to be doing any exercise aside from that and walking for the next month or two. I need to completely clean out the storage room, clean the kitchen top to bottom, the living room top to bottom, the second floor bathroom top to the bottom, the third floor bathroom the same. The game room needs to be cleaned out, too, and my own room and the third floor hallway. It's kind of like spring cleaning, but way before spring. My sister's coming to visit and I haven't seen her in about three or four years, so I'm pretty excited to have everything super awesome and special for her when she shows up. I'll try and remember to wear my heart rate monitor while cleaning to see what that does for me, since I'll be running up and down three flights of stairs that whole time. I have until about March or so, but I don't want to leave this all for last second. We're turning the storage room into the guest room, so that's the first big thing to tackle.
One of my hopes with her visiting is that it'll be incentive to really lose some weight. I don't want to be this weight, or anywhere near it, when she shows up. I don't know why, but I really want her to see that I've lost weight. Probably because I know she's the only one in my family aside from my father, really, who wanted me to lose weight for all the right reasons and was never a jerk about it. She never once called me fat or anything growing up and she always was really gentle in her encouragement. She's also pretty much the only person in my family who's encouraged me to just be me. She means a lot to me, so I can't wait to see her again. It'll also be the first time I'll be meeting my niece, and the second time I'll be meeting my nephew. I have six nieces and nephews total, but those two are the ones I never see.
I really want to rework my goals for weightloss and my rewards system. I want to take this slowly, and take it one step at a time. I really think I was too stuck on the big picture last time. It was one thing for me to have lost 11 pounds or so, but I STILL had 70 or so left and that was just disheartening. I know a lot of people out there started with way more than I did, or still have way more than I do to lose, but I'm not them. I'm me. I appreciate the weight I've lost so far and the amount I've managed to keep off, but I'm not healthy this way. I'm perfectly happy, aside from the health issues. So, the health issues need to be addressed. I want to take this more on the strain of five pounds at a time. I'll lose five, see how I feel, and decide if another five need to go. Chances are I will decide that yes, another five need to be lost a few times, seeing as I'm at over 200lbs. I'm pretty sure some of that is gained weight from this summer and such, but I'm not sure how much of it is because of my scale situation.
I'm likely going to be going to a psychiatrist at some point within the next few months. Prince T is really encouraging it so I can get some updated diagnoses and maybe see if I can get some health insurance based on this. This would also make it easier to get benefits set up for myself if I end up unable to work thanks to my mental problems. These are things I've always worried about, but I didn't think just getting a diagnosis would do anything. Prince T is pretty insistent on it, and he's sure it will do a world of good for me to just have that on my medical record. To be honest, I'm terrified of going. He's going to have to drag me kicking and screaming into that office when the time comes and I know it. But I also know it's in my best interest to go, at least once.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Finally
Finally got a new scale last night. I only weighed in this morning,though. Because I don't know how long, exactly, my scale was bonkers, I'm changing my starting weight to the one the new scale said. I don't really think it's fair to compare the weights from two different scales. Here's hoping that maybe knowing the numbers will help keep me in check? Will be updating measurements as soon as I find the darned tape measure, too.
As for the weight, I came in at 206.6lbs today.
As for the weight, I came in at 206.6lbs today.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
It's hard
To stay motivated, anyhow.
I want to just do what I want to do. I don't want to give myself any rules and I don't want to worry about numbers or grams or pounds or anything. I don't want to worry about fat or protein or sodium. I don't want to watch my caffeine intake. I don't want to take vitamins.
I also don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to have such a difficult time finding clothing. I don't want to do the seesaw yo yo game. I don't want to be tired or sick or sluggish anymore. I don't want to have to worry about whether I'm too heavy or too big. I don't want to have to worry about my health any more than a woman of 21 years should.
As I type this, I've got a fairly horrific pain in my right arm. It started in my hand and traveled its way up to my upper arm. It's still kind of in my hand and through my forearm, but it's mostly in my upper arm now. This is normal for me. This is normal for my legs, as well. This isn't normal. I don't know what it is, to a certain extent I have an idea of what it could be, but I don't want to self-diagnose.
Basically, I'm just sick of worrying. And I'm sick of making myself sick.
When I get a new scale, I'll weigh myself again. I'll start taking measurements again soon as well. I still stand firm on that I won't be counting calories. I will be watching fat, sodium, protein, fibre, sugars, etc, though. I'm still walking a lot, so that isn't really going to change in and of itself. Once I get the gaming room clean again, I can start playing my various dancing games again. Also need to make room for the elliptical I want to buy. Hopefully that will be happening within the next week as well.
We'll see. I'll be checking in.
I want to just do what I want to do. I don't want to give myself any rules and I don't want to worry about numbers or grams or pounds or anything. I don't want to worry about fat or protein or sodium. I don't want to watch my caffeine intake. I don't want to take vitamins.
I also don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to have such a difficult time finding clothing. I don't want to do the seesaw yo yo game. I don't want to be tired or sick or sluggish anymore. I don't want to have to worry about whether I'm too heavy or too big. I don't want to have to worry about my health any more than a woman of 21 years should.
As I type this, I've got a fairly horrific pain in my right arm. It started in my hand and traveled its way up to my upper arm. It's still kind of in my hand and through my forearm, but it's mostly in my upper arm now. This is normal for me. This is normal for my legs, as well. This isn't normal. I don't know what it is, to a certain extent I have an idea of what it could be, but I don't want to self-diagnose.
Basically, I'm just sick of worrying. And I'm sick of making myself sick.
When I get a new scale, I'll weigh myself again. I'll start taking measurements again soon as well. I still stand firm on that I won't be counting calories. I will be watching fat, sodium, protein, fibre, sugars, etc, though. I'm still walking a lot, so that isn't really going to change in and of itself. Once I get the gaming room clean again, I can start playing my various dancing games again. Also need to make room for the elliptical I want to buy. Hopefully that will be happening within the next week as well.
We'll see. I'll be checking in.
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