Wednesday, January 16, 2013

WHAT is WRONG with me?

I have no idea what my problem is, but I just can't stop eating crap. I want to blame it on my period, because that would be convenient, but I know it isn't. Because that never really changes my eating much. I may eat more or less, but I won't eat completely different things than usual. I went to Wendy's on Monday and got WAY too much food. Granted, I hadn't eaten all day, which explains the sheer amount, and I probably didn't go over in calories (by much, at any rate), but my fats were likely through the roof. And today? I had a nice, delicious salmon dinner planned out. I heard my dad was going to be making eggs, sausage, and fries and those plans flew out the window. I WANTED what he was making. I want the soda I've been drinking, even though I barely drink soda anymore. I haven't had tea in over a week, except for the chai Prince T made me the other day at his place.

But seriously, what is wrong with me? Is it because I said I was going to go easy this week in preparation for Saturday? Is it because I just haven't eaten anything worse than  a hot dog in months? Is it because I've been TOO careful with my eating?

I didn't think I was being too careful. It's not like I've made myself give up anything I like. I really love salmon and scallops and shrimp and tilapia. I really do love rice and broccoli and snap peas and carrots and all the other vegetables I've been gorging on. I really do love oranges and apples and bananas and all the other fruits I've been eating. And don't get me started on tea, oh my god. I love tea. I love tea in just about any form. I love tea so much I went through a pound of honey in two weeks because I was drinking SO MUCH TEA.

So what's wrong with me?

Honestly, I'm not going to beat myself up over this. I just need to try better. I just need to try and not give in to every junk food craving that crosses my wee little fancy. It isn't good for me, it doesn't make me feel good, and it really just is more frustrating than satisfying in the end.

I'm having pizza on Friday with a friend and her parents and possibly another friend. I'll probably not eat much there, just because I'm not really big on pizza. And also it's a completely and utter nutritional wasteland. I'll make sure to eat well for breakfast and have a good lunch before I go out with them. That'll definitely help to curb any issues with overeating while there. Especially since her parents are very fond of trying to get me to eat all the time. I love them to pieces, but geez.

Last night I had homemade spaghetti and meatballs (everything but the pasta from scratch) and it was the first time I'd really had beef in ages. I'm not big on that dish, personally, but Prince T requested it, so I made it. I'll do anything, cook anything, to get that man to eat a real meal and real food. You know, stuff that doesn't come out of a box or isn't a hotdog. Let's see if he'll eat my vegetarian lasagna; his roommate's been begging me for it ever since he tried my sauce and learned I make vegetarian, low-fat lasagna (he's been trying to lose weight as well, and doing an AWESOME job; we're all really proud of W). So maybe next month I'll have a nice recipe to share, assuming I can get some pretty photos.

Tomorrow, I hope I can manage to eat my salmon dinner. I'm going to try and avoid eating at Prince T's place, because I have no money to really buy anything to make there and he doesn't have any either, at the moment. And most of what he has is all prepackaged garbage. Honestly, he doesn't even LIKE that stuff. He just can't cook worth a damn (trust me, I've tried teaching him) and he'd rather eat crap than not eat. Hopefully I can teach him some really simple, basic recipes that won't cost him an arm and a leg and will keep him a bit healthier. He's interested in better food, he loves homemade food (he's loved everything I've made him), but he just can't cook. His mother rarely cooked while he was growing up, and she worked a lot, so he was left to his own devices. This is all he really knows, food wise. Last night was the first time he'd had real spaghetti and meatballs. You know, not Chef Boyardee.

Anyway, I just hope to at least have stayed even by the end of this week. I doubt I've lost anything, but I really, really don't want to have gained. I'm doing so well and I'm on such a roll, I don't know if I could handle seeing the 180's again.


KyokoCake said...

it's like an addiction, for me, it only goes away if I cut out ALL the soda, or ALL the fast food because even if I let in a little bit I'll have a taste for it for weeks!

Astrid said...

Uugh! I know exactly what you mean! It's like, I went so long without eating crap and not missing it. Then I got lazy one day and ate crap...and I haven't been able to stop since! I really need to get a reign on that and stop myself from going out for fast food again any time soon.