It's hard

To stay motivated, anyhow.

I want to just do what I want to do. I don't want to give myself any rules and I don't want to worry about numbers or grams or pounds or anything. I don't want to worry about fat or protein or sodium. I don't want to watch my caffeine intake. I don't want to take vitamins.

I also don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to have such a difficult time finding clothing. I don't want to do the seesaw yo yo game. I don't want to be tired or sick or sluggish anymore. I don't want to have to worry about whether I'm too heavy or too big. I don't want to have to worry about my health any more than a woman of 21 years should.

As I type this, I've got a fairly horrific pain in my right arm. It started in my hand and traveled its way up to my upper arm. It's still kind of in my hand and through my forearm, but it's mostly in my upper arm now. This is normal for me. This is normal for my legs, as well. This isn't normal. I don't know what it is, to a certain extent I have an idea of what it could be, but I don't want to self-diagnose.

Basically, I'm just sick of worrying. And I'm sick of making myself sick.

When I get a new scale, I'll weigh myself again. I'll start taking measurements again soon as well. I still stand firm on that I won't be counting calories. I will be watching fat, sodium, protein, fibre, sugars, etc, though. I'm still walking a lot, so that isn't really going to change in and of itself. Once I get the gaming room clean again, I can start playing my various dancing games again. Also need to make room for the elliptical I want to buy. Hopefully that will be happening within the next week as well.

We'll see. I'll be checking in.