Thursday, September 22, 2011

Life has a way...

...of just sneaking up on you.

The convention came and went. It went well, it was fun, I met some nice people and saw a lot of cool things. The trip was a bit long, there and back, and the nights seemed to take forever. But nothing bad happened, nothing really noteworthy happened, either.

Between that and then getting some art work up and running (a comic, some writing, some paintings, etc), I lost time for the blog. I've been reading other blogs, not been commenting at all, but been reading them. I don't know why I haven't been commenting. I think it might have been because I was a bit scared that if I commented, I'd be expected to update my own blog again. But I just couldn't find the energy for it. So I didn't comment, even if I wanted to.

I haven't been doing anything, really, in the ways of keeping up with exercise or the eating well or anything. What a shocker, right? It's not something that upsets me, to be honest. Where before I would've been angry at myself, I would've done things like eat a bunch of cookies or something because I was upset over that. Well, I'm not really upset over this. Things happen, priorities changes, people change.

I still want to lose weight. That hasn't changed at all. I've changed, though, a lot in these past few months. From June to September, I'm very different.

I'm in a size 16 pant/skirt and a medium/large (XL in junior's) top. I haven't taken measurements in a while, nor have I weighed myself in longer. My scale just doesn't cut it anymore, it couldn't decide if I was 210 or 175 or anywhere in between at any given moment. And I know I'm not 175. Ahah. Though that would be lovely.

The vanity issue isn't quite there for me anymore. Yes, I wanted to lose weight because of health issues. But I also wanted to lose weight to look better and feel better about myself. I wanted to lose weight so I could fit into a bunch of pretty clothing and wear more lolita.

I can wear most of the lolita I want to now. Not everything. And a lot of things are still far away from my grasp. But I can fit into a good damned portion of lolita as it stands (yes, even brand). I'm in a size 16 pant and I'll be in a 14 soon enough, I'm sure, if I continue to lose weight again.

I love the way I look. This is true. Yes, I carry quite a bit of weight in my middle. Maybe some people wouldn't find my naked (or not so naked) body to be all that appealing. But I love the curves. I love the little waist that goes to the big hips. And you know what? So does Prince T (this princess is not quite nearly as single as she had been when she last posted).

This isn't any portion of vanity for me anymore. I look good, Prince T loves the way I look, I fit into pretty clothes and dress myself well (then again, I dressed myself well at 210lbs, too). Vanity? Taken care of.

Now. The medical issues. They're still here. My left hip is still giving me some pretty bad problems. Example.

I was lying with Prince T a few nights ago, just cuddling with him. I was a bit awkwardly position, my head against his ribs (not sure how that happened). He chuckled a bit and gently grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me up closer to his chest. This simple act, forcing my hips to life just a bit, caused me some fairly intense agony. Of course, the Prince was quite worried indeed. I had to reassure him that he hadn't caused me any pain, that it was just my hip.

I'm 21 years old. It was just my hip.

That's a problem. A big one. I don't want it to be a problem, ever. Sure, it'll come up again when I'm older, but I don't want it to be for another 20, maybe 30 years if I'm lucky.

My left knee is also bothering me a bit. And my ankles. It's mainly my hip, though, that's giving me issues.

I know that losing weight will help this, a lot. However, I don't really want to go about this the way I was doing it before. I don't think that was really working for me, especially since I was fairly wishywashy with what I was even doing. I need to make some rules for myself. Some of these I know Prince T will enforce because, really, they involve more immediate aspects of my health.

1) No more caffeine (except for in green tea, the occasional black tea, and some chocolate).
Reasoning- Caffeine makes me ill. Amazingly, horribly ill. I get migraines and will start throwing up. It's pretty bad. I could have around 200-300mg of caffeine per day, but it seems that's gone down considerably and I no longer know how much I can have. I shouldn't be having any, honestly. This means no more colas (oh, Pepsi, it was nice knowing you), no more coffee (goodbye, Mr. Brown), and no more bottled teas (did you know a lot of green tea is cut with black tea? I found out the hard way.) This is one that Prince T will help enforce, seeing as he hates what caffeine does to me. The scolding I got for my last can of Mr. Brown was silly, but warrented.

2) No more artificial sweeteners (aspartame, sucralose, etc).
Reasoning- Chemicals. My body actually REALLY hates them. When I eat less processed foods, I feel better. My stomach doesn't feel wonky, and I get less headaches. Artificial sweeteners hate me. Well, I'm going to hate them, too. Aside from in my yogurts, I'm going to try and stay as far away as I can.

3) No added sugars (like corn syrup, fructose added to things, glucose added to things, etc).
Reasoning- Yeah, my body actually really hates those, too. My body actually really dislikes a lot of sugar, and usually these things are found in really high sugar products. So, I stay away from these, it'll be easier to not pump myself full of sugar.

4) Limit the oily/greasy foods.
Reasoning- These also make me REALLY sick. I limit these, I limit the amount of time I spend huddled over wishing I would just throw up and go on with my day to ease the agony.

5) No more skipping meals.
Reasoning- ...the obvious? This is actually going to be the hardest for me. I don't get hungry, so I never know when to eat. Prince T is constantly asking me, "Princess, are you hungry?" I shake my head and then he'll ask, "Have you even eaten today?" I think and usually, the answer is my shaking my head. He'll frown and drag me to get something to eat.

I'm not really concerned with measuring tapes, getting a new scale, or anything of the sort. I think if I can keep to those five rules in a broad sense, I'll be fine. Of course, I want to make more detailed things for myself. Not so much rules at that point, but guidelines. The only hard part there is that if I do something like 'no eating out more than x times a week', I eat out with Prince T at his campus stuff a lot. We don't go get fast food, but it's not like we eat anything better than burgers and fries, either. I also have little to no opinion on a lot of things, so he ends up ordering for me. This has actually happened several times. I might talk to him about this if this becomes more of a concern for me (we don't really go eat at the campus restaurants all that often, really). Right now, I'm not going to worry about it. Though he HAS been policing my caffeine intake. "Princess, is that a Pepsi?" "Uhhh..." "Put that down." Silly Prince...

But that's pretty much where I'm at, I guess. I'm hoping I'll be getting into posting a bit more frequently again. I especially want to start cooking a lot more, especially healthy things. Prince T's started working out recently (to build muscle, not lose weight) and I want him to have food that isn't a burger or a granola bar or whatever he can shove under his bed at his dorm. Silly thing. Granola bars and graham crackers aren't food!

If I get any good recipes, I'll definitely be sharing them, especially with photos. Hopefully one of these days I'll actually post a photo of myself. Who knows!


Lilies in my Cereal said...

Yay! I'm happy that you are doing so well!! I didn't know if you were going to ever post again! Maybe I need a break from blogging. I'm starting to get frustrated with all the numbers of weight loss.

Astrid said...

I'm doing pretty well in that I haven't gained any size. Not sure about weight, since I don't have a scale.

I can understand how blogging would get frustrating, especially the numbers aspect. I think letting go of the numbers, for me, was the best decision. I think about them too much, worry about them too much. Prince T doesn't know how much I weigh, just that it's more than him and it's something he can lift. I know he wouldn't care about the number, but it's one of those things.

"If I say it, I have to think about the numbers."

The numbers make me depressed. Haha. I guess this is something best left to look into for another post, though.