Confession Time

It's been quiet around here lately. Why is that? Because I kind of suck a lot.

so yeah, not the best way to start off the first post in almost a month. And not a great way to get the positive feelings going. But here's a series of confessions for you:
-I haven't been to the gym since I last posted, I don't think.
-I haven't been eating so great since I last posted, I don't think.
-I haven't been feeling so great.
-I'm sure I've gained weight.

I haven't gotten to the gym thanks to a series of excuses; I'm tired, I don't feel like it, I'm exhausted, I worked today, I work tomorrow, I work early, I haven't slept, I can't find my pants (but in truth, I never looked for them, either). I haven't eaten very well...much for those same excuses, just nix the pants part.

I've been depressed partially because of the lack of exercise and care for my health, partially because I've been in a lot of pain (see that whole lack of gym visits part), partially because of work and partially because I have problems controlling my emotions.

It just seems like everything's gone wrong lately and that I can't doa nything to get it back on track. Tomorow after work though, I'm going to look for my pants. And I'm going to the gym.

Today, I'll wallow. I'll do whatever it is that I think I need to make myself feel better. Frankly, if I started today, I think I might break down. But sulking will happen for the rest of the night and tomorrow I'll wake up and realize, yeah, sure, I can do something about this. I just need to actually try doing something about it.

I haven't weighed myself because my scale is completely borked. It tells me a different weight every time I go onto it, even within the same five minutes. Once second I'll have gained ten pounds, the next, because I put on a jacket, I'll have lost fifteen pounds. The poor thing is borked to all hell. It's high time we replaced it, and hopefully we will soon.

In other news, I've made it to 50 minutes on the elliptical trainer. I'm going to cap it out at an hour. I haven't done so much on the spin bike lately because I've been focusing on strength training and elliptical work. I might go for the treadmill soon, I likely won't. I guess we'll see what happens when/if I get bored of the ellipitcal trainer and weights. I'll likely go back to the spin bike as a warm up and cool down exercise more than anything after I've gotten up to my house on the elliptical.

So, I didn't post any measurements at the end of September, or August...or July. This is going to be since June and this covers October's measurements. I'll try to get my measurments done around this time next month, too.
Bust: 42
Natural Waist: 38.5
Hips: 49


That means I've lost two inches off my bust, two and a half inches off my waist, and three inches off my hips.

I think that's pretty great! Yes, I had other measurements I was tracking, too, but these are the ones that matter the most to me. I'll post the others when I feel like posting them. Ahaha.

So I weighed in today for the first time in two weeks or so. I'm in at 208.5, which is a gain of 0.5lbs. I'm not upset about this for a few reasons, one of them being that's not a bad gain after two weeks of not watching my weight. Another one being I've been going to the gym almost every day lately, so it's likely to be a little muscle gain. If it isn't, then it'll come off pretty quickly, I'm sure.

Again, it's just such a tiny gain that I can't really be mad about it. Hopefully, I can keep going down from here on out, seeing as I've been going to the gym and trying to be careful how I eat. Admittably, I do have eating issues where when I'm upset, I don't care what I eat, I just eat. I need to work on that,a lot, before I can really fix all my weight issues and I know it. Hopefully, I can get that done and over with soon.

So I finally got off my big butt and joined the gym the other day. I went for the first time with my roommate last night after she got off work. We spent the whole time in the women's room, which was small, well lit, comfortable, had a TV you could actually hear, and had the two machines I really cared about and the one she cared about. It also had some weights, but neither of us are getting into that quite so soon.

It felt pretty good to finally get some good, solid exercise in. I did a half hour on the spin bike and about ten minutes on the elliptical machine. I don't thinkt hat's so bad for my first real journey into the gym in a few years. I'm going again tonight after I pick Mik up from work and we're going to do maybe the same, if not a little bit more, this time around. I think I'll start with the elliptical machine this time and end with the bike. If I'm not too tired after this (hopefully, an hour of work), I'll go out into the main room and see if I can get my butt onto a treadmill. I doubt this will happen so soon, but I'm trying to set little mini goals for myself. My first mini goal is to be able to do half an hour on both the ellptical machine and the spin bike. I then want to add a half hour on the treadmill. Once I get this done, I might add that other, more complicated looking elliptical machine to the routine, depending on how much of a workout I'm getting from the three other machines.

This is going to take a while to work up to and I know it. And I don't want to just being doing workouts that aren't doing much for me, either. I want to build up to be able to handle higher resistance and angles on the machines so that the workouts, though they'll stay at half an hour per machine, will be good and intensive. At the same time, I'm not going to work myself to death. I stretch before hand, and I always make sure to stop before I get too tired or exhausted. I know my limits so far. Hopefully I can increase them.

And hopefully this means when I weigh in this Friday (currently weighing in on Fridays because of my work schedule), I'll have a loss to report, or at least a better feeling of fitness and wellness to report.

Once I get into better shape, I hope to join a spinning class and a yoga class at work. Right now, I want to work on stamina and getting my general fitness up before I add in the classes.

So, I haven't weighed myself. Mostly because I never really got over what I was sick with. THe stomach thing went away, but then I got hit with a massive head cold. Whatever weight I have this week, I don't think I could entirely chalk up as being accurate, even if it were lower than my last weigh in. So, I'm just going to weigh in again next week, once all the sick has filtered its way out of my body.

Oh my god I am so ungodly ill right now. I have to work a few hours today, but then I'm just going to come home and get back to sleep. I work a pretty long and assed shift tomorrow, so hopefully I'm feeling a lot better after resting a whole bunch today. I slept a lot yesterday, since they sent me home from work for pukuing my guts out, but I don't think it was quite enough. I can't call in because, I can't. They really need me. So, I'm gonna suffer through. I'm not in the pukey mood right now, so hopefully it stays that way. It's cold out and I'm not looking forward to walking there and home, but I'll just make the best of it.

So I weighed myself yesterday, just to see where I was at. I was feeling much better, so I figured it was safe enough to try weighing myself, right? I guess it's a good thing I did, because I came in at 208lbs. That's a loss of a pound and a half from my last weigh in.

I finally have everyhting I need to start going to the gym- pants, two different tops, sneakers, a water bottle, and a new MP3 player (Vicious got lost while I decided I needed him no longer and he's hiding in my room somewhere). I need new headphones because the ones that were clearanced that I bought...suck. A lot. And the ones that came with the player suck. A lot. Anyway, I'm crocheting up a gym bag so I can put everything in my bag and take it with me to the gym. It should be done within the next few days and then I'll get me that membership. It'll be awesome.

So, I didn't weigh in yesterday or today. I didn't forget, I'll be honest, I just didn't want to. I've been depressed for a few days and I knew if I didn't have anything other than a decent loss, it would make it a lot worse. I will certainly be posting my weigh in next week if I'm feeling up to it.

So, this week's weigh-in is a day early mostly because I highly doubt I'm going to want to do much of anything tomorrow.

I weighed in at 209.5 today, which is awesome! That's a loss of a pound and a half.

I'm working until about one or two in the morning today, so I'm likely going to be practically dead tomorrow when I get home. Hopefully I can continue this good streak, though, and lose some more weight this coming week.

I need a car. I know walking is good for me. I know that. But I'm not walking in the dark, I'm not working after a ten hour shift and I don't expect Mik to walk home from about ten miles away.

Hopefully after I get some bills paid off, I can buy a car and then I can save up for a house. Oh yeah, a house. Can't get that without the car, though. I doubt dad would continue to let me borrow his if I didn't live with him anymore.

So, I weighed in today at 211lbs. That means I lost half a pound from last week. Not a lot to lose, but at least it's not a gain! And it's better than staying the same.

Went to an Indian restaurant today and it was awesome. It was half celebration for my getting a job, and half pre-concert meal for Mik and Nate. They went on without me because, well, I didn't want to go. Haha.

Anyway, my Bodyline order came in yesterday. Bodyline is a Japanese lolita company thats ells good to fantastic quality lolita clothing for decent prices. I got a pair of shoes, socks, a dress, bloomers, and a blouse. Mik got some breeches, a hat, and two blouses. And this is what we had to say:

Bodyline, why do you lie about your sizes? Mik ordered her breeches in the size that was slightly too big for her. The breeches are too tight, one of them unwearable until she loses a little bit of weight. The shoes I got, despite being in my size, were really tight. I'm going to try and break them in, but if that doesn't work, I'm going to sell them. The dress that was supposed to fit since the measurements matched up...doesn't. Can't quite zip that thing. The petticoat/underskirt it came with DOES fit, however. The socks NOT A CHANCE. If you have slightly bigger than average calves, their socks will not fit. Period. The bloomers would fit me if my hips weren't so huge. The blouses we got fit us perfectly.

So, there you go. If you order from Bodyline, keep that in mind. The clothing was all really good quality, the shoes look fantastic, and it was all actually a lot nicer in person than on the site.

I cannot believe how exhausted I am from working. I've only worked two days this week so far and already clocked in sixteen hours, and I work again on Sunday for another eight hours. I am full time, so after my training is done, I'll be getting minimum of 35 hours a week (my manager told me he'd get me as close to 40 as he possibly could). Because I hurt so bad and I'm just so tired after work, though, I don't walk home. I call my dad and beg him to take me home.  I do walk to work and I am on my feet literally the whole time, so I don't think this makes me lazy. Haha.

These days have entirely screwed up my eating schedule, though. I used to actually eat breakfast for a while. I quit entirely since I started working. Why? Because I've been waking up at 6AM to make it to work wide awake and dressed by 8AM. I can't eat that early in morning. In fact, my stomach doesn't accept the idea of eating until about 9am or 10am.

So. I am sitting here, eating the everloving crap out of a sandwich because I haven't had anything but tea and a Sierra Mist today. I am starving and broken, but completely happy to have a job.

On the Special K Challenge

So, I started saying this in the comments, but it was getting out of hand. So here we go:

On the subject of the Special K challenge, it's you have two Special K meals (cereal, meal bar, etc) and one 'real' meal (IE- low calorie, healthy food. They have suggestions, I'm making my own). And then two healthy snakcs, they suggest their own of course. I'm planning on having cereal twice, because I need the calcium, for breakfast and for lunch. I was going to make my snacks either fruit, vegetables and hummus, or the crackers (maybe with hummus). My dinners were going to be whatever healthy fare I could scrounge up.

For as far as how I figure it works is: cereal is filling, and if you get the right kind of cereal, doesn't pack too many calories for the good nutrients. Because most of what you're eating is cereal, meal bars and protein waters, and then a healthy dinner, you end up losing weight. The cereal creats a huge calorie deficiency, which is good if you've been struggling to stay within your calorie limit and feeling full. You need a deficiency of 3,500 calories per week to lose one pound per week.

Of course, this isn't something you should do all the time. A lot of people use these kind of techniques and others as a jump start into a healthier lifestyle. Eating the cereal lets you get used to smaller portions without feeling hungry all the time, the protein waters and the bars do the same. This is something you can do without any kind of brand loyalty. Any healthy cereal you enjoy would work just fine instead of the Special K, and healthy granola or meal bars you enjoy could also replace theirs. I'm specifically doing this because I love the cereal personally and the snacks.

After the two weeks are up, your body's becomed used to eating that smaller amount of calories (hope you're tracking and making sure you're staying within your suggested limit, though~! Being under is a bad idea, jsut as much as being over), you can go back to eating more than just cereal for your other two meals a day. You need less to stay full and content and you can expand into other foods you enjoy.

I don't say thing from experience with this plan myself, I say thing from experience with how I've noticed other people losing weight, or just from what little I know about nutrition and how bodies work. I'm not an expert or anything, nor am I trained in any of this, but certain things have been tried and proven, and this is one of them. Again, this isn't something you should do allt he time, unless you really love cereal all that much or something.

I'm thinking I should just move my weigh in day to Sunday, seeing as I always get too busy on Saturday to do much of anything in the online world.

Anyhow, I weighed in at 211.5 today. That's a gain of a pound and a half. THat's okay by mue. Weight fluctuations, mayb e I did something a little bit wrong that I shouldn't have, maybe I didn't walk enough, drink enough water. Etc. It's alright and I can get over it and do better this week.

Now that I have a job, the roommate and I were looking at gyms to join. We found a really fantastic one that is not only huge, offers lots of nice classes, is open all the time, has amazing equipment AND a really nice staff...But is super afforadable! So, once I get paid and I can afford some gym clothes and the membership fee, I'll be signing up and going!

My new job iiis..Line cook! Yep, I'm cooking for a living, at a real restaurant now. I'm really, really excited and so far I like most of the people there. I also like I'm allowed to dye my hair whatever color I want and get tattoos, something that wasn't allowed at my old job. I held off on dying my hair until I got a new job, just to make sure I could actually GET a job and to make sure it was alright with the company or the owner.

The place is within walking distance, so yep. You got it. I walk to work everyday. It's a mile there and a mile back, if I walk back. I won't be walking back after sunset and I won't be walking in the dead of winter, I hope.

Also, I was considering doing that Special K challenge thing. I'm not sure I'm expecting it to do much of anything for me, really. I don't have high hopes for it. But I do love the cereal and the bars, and I would like an excuse to eat that cereal all the time. My roommate said she'd chip in for the prices of everything if she could share the cereal; she loves it, too.

Tha's all from me!~

I GOT A JOB.

So, my roommate asked me what I'm planning on doing to help myself lose weight since I can't go to a gym right now. Of course she said this was aside from not shoveling all the food I see in front of me down my throat. Sure, that's helped, but there are also other things I've been doing.

Surprisingly, keeping up on the chores has made me feel like I'm doing something at least mildly active. I take care of two of the three stories of my household, so there's a lot of running up and down the stairs to do cleaning. Vaccuuming involves bringing the vaccuum up all three flights of stairs and then bringing it back down again, dusting involves the same, since I share a can with my dad. I'm basically running like around at least three times a week trying to get things done.

Other things? I've cut down my soda to one can/serving per day, MAX. I'm trying to make this three per week (max), but I love soda so this is difficult. Once I get through the caffeinated stuff, I'm going to make it strictly be non-caffeinated sodas. I don't drink diet, however, because the aspartame makes me a little whoogey, I've noticed. I will drink the diet sodas made with sucralose, though. The reason I'm sticking to non-caffeinated is because the caffeine in soda (and coffee) makes me horribly ill. Really. REally. Ill. My other drinks consist of flavored and plain water (sucralose preferred, but they don't have enough aspartame to set me off if they have the dreaded stuff), unsweetened and sweetened (with sucralose) teas, and decaf coffee sweetened with sucralose or creamer (I love those sugary sweet creamers, so that's a bunch of calories, but frankly I barely ever drink coffee, so I don't think this is a bad thing).

I've cut down on my friends foods to just light pan frying. French fries make me ill unless they're oven baked, and so do onion rings. My stomach's really become sensitive to oil and grease, so if I pump the amount into it that I used to, I end up nauseas. This is pretty helpful in making me stay away from the stuff.

My favorite flavored waters are:
Propel (only have had the berry flavor so far, but it's awesome...AND made with sucralose!)
Lipton Peach Green Tea (when fresh, it doesn't clump so much, but when it's not...uuugh. Also sucralose)
Lipton Green Tea (same)
Lipton Iced Tea (same)
Wyler's Light Ice Raspberry (Aspartame, but it tastes great despite that nasty sweetener.)
Wyler's Light Pink Lemonade (Asperame, etc.)
That one grapefruit one I can't find anymore. It was made with aspartame, but it tasted exactly like grapefruit juice! It was AWESOME. However, I couldn't drink it on an empty stomach. The only time I did, I ended up vomitting from the overdose of acid.

I did weigh in today, because it's a Saturday. I'm going to be weighing in every week and I WILL be posting here every Saturday. I know, I know. I say it all the time. I say a lot of pretty things all the time. But I've put reminders on my phone AND on my calender so that I won't forget.

My current weight?
210lbs EVEN.

Awesome! I've never been so happy to see 210 on the scale before. Why? Because I capped out around 215 when I was on that depressed binge of mine and seeing a 210 is fantastic. That's five pounds I no longer have and I hope soon that I can take another five pounds off.

So, now that I'm feeling much better, I've also been doing much better! The chores are getting done, my eating has gotten better and I even started cooking dinner again. The roommate stopped bringing dinner home from work at my request, and also at her realization at how hideously bad the food there is and we've stopped eating fast food so much. I've made dinner for the past few days and I'm trying to figure out what to make tonight when she gets home from work.

As per suggestion, I haven't been weighing myself lately. I've just been trying to get everything under control. I did measure myself recently, though, because I was looknig at clothing on Bodyline. I need a blouse to go with the JSK I just recently finished. Though I really should have taken it in, because I initially made it a year ago. I just finished by putting trim on it.

My measurements are as follows: 44'' bust, 40'' waist, and 50'' hips. I lost an inch off my waist and my hips, which is pretty awesome! I can also fit in the larger sizes at Bodyline, which is also pretty awesome.

Over a week. Why is that? Honestly, I'm surprised I even got out of bed today. Emotionally, I've been a complete and total wreck. My eating has been...interesting. Some days, I don't eat anything. Other days, all I eat are my comfort foods, but I don't go overboard. Yesterday, I happily ate everything and anything offered tome and it didn't make me physically feel any different before or after I ate any of it.

Yesterday involved me eating a few snack bags of..whatever N threw at me in the car. And then the trip to McDonald's where M bought me just about anything I wanted that could be afforded. And then I came home and had bread and peanut butter.

And today, I've had bread and peanut butter. Though I managed to stop at three slices of bread and two servings of the peanut butter. So, I guess that's a step in the right direction. Emotionally, I'm still wrecked. But I'm trying really hard to keep myself in check and not wreck up myself physically.

Oh look at this. I was doing so well! Well, it couldn't really last, could it? Haha. No, really. I should work on keeping this up more often.

So, I did not weigh myself this week. I frankly kind of really forgot. I did weigh last week and came in at 214. Fantastic.

Really. Amazing.

Uh-huh.

I can attribute this to a few things. I've been eating a good amount of fast food lately, and I need to stop it. Also, my roommate has been bringing leftovers from work almost daily. She always brings a full portion that we share, so at least it's not a full portion I eat myself. Thank god, however, that they introduced a new under 500 cal per meal line. She says she'll be bringing that for us to share from now on. It's salmon with vegetables and it's delicious. To top it off, however, I haven't been doing any exercise aside from cleaning. Hopefully, this can change soon, since my top to bottom clean of the house is over. I'm just too exhausted mentally and physically to do much else after I've been cleaning that much.

Well, the game room is still a wreck, which means my cleaning isn't over. I need to clean that room, anyway, if I want to work out, so I guess it'll get done soon after I relax a bit from all of the cleaning and running up and down the stairs I've been doing thanks to do. Also, hopefully, I'll have a new job soon and that'll also get me off my butt all day.

Astrid's Recipe Corner 1

So, I realized that I really like blogs that feature recipes that are either plain delicious, cheap, healthy...or all of the above!

I thought maybe I could have my own recipe corner of recipes that I think fall into all of those categories. Some of them start from prepackeged things because, frankly, those can be pretty cheap for a decent amount of nutritional value that won't plain kill you.

Today, we've got a two meals in one package.

I picked up a Knorr's Sides Plus a few months back, but never got around to making it. It's the brocolli rotini version with spinach and olive oil. I mainly picked this up for a few reasons. One- It was cheap. About a dollar and it has two heaping servings in it. Two- It has vegetables in it and not only that, it has SPINACH. And I love me some spinach. Three- The nutritional information was reasonable.

For example, here we go:
in one serving ( 3/4 of a cup) as prepared
Calories: 320
Total Fat: 3g
Sat Fat 0.5g
Cholesterol: 0
Sodium: 710mg
Carbs: 47g
Fiber: 4g
Sugar: 3g
Protein: 10g

Not bad for a prepackaged side, right? Well, it is a side. But I'm kind of poor and I see "One dollar for that package? Why! That's two meals! For fifty cents each!" And this made my day, of course.

But here's the thing. Is there any way to make it better? Sure there is.

So, I prepared the side according to package directions, including using the olive oil. Don't waste your good virgin or extra virgin olive oil on this! This is cooking with it and that oil you paid so much for will lose all of the subtle flavors that make it so expensive. Just go for your normal olive oil. It still tastes great, is still heart healthy, and is cheaper than the virgin and extra virgin oils.

I cut up two plum (roma) tomatoes and threw them in after seeding them. But what else? Well, add in a can of tuna! In water, not oil!

And what do you end up getting in the same serving?

Calories: 392
Total Fat: 3.5g
Sat Fat 0.5g
Cholesterol: 25mg
Sodium: 960mg
Carbs: 47g
Fiber: 4g
Sugar: 3g
Protein: 21g

For barely any extra calories, fat, and sodium, you get a lot more protein in one serving. And what do you do with the other serving?

Eat it later!

And trust me., it tastes awesome.

Don't like tomatoes? Add any other vegetable you like! Just make sure to give it ample time to cook in the boiling water BEFORE adding in the pasta, seasoning, and tuna. Don't like tuna? Add chunk chicken or turkey, salmon or crab. The nutritional information will change, of course, but it's hard to make this all that bad for you.

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Liked it? Hated it? Want me to never post these again or keep posting one every week?

What's this? A post before Saturday (or after that post is late)? Yes, really!

I walked today for about a half hour. That isn't a lot, I know, but it's a lot more than I have been walking lately. At least outside the setting of a mall, anyway. I walked my friend to the halfway point before her busstop. Maybe next time I'll actually make it the whole way there before knowuing I'll have to turn back. I just didn't want to wear myself out before I even got back home. I think next time I'll try and get to the three fourth's mark. She offers me lunch, which comes with an ice cold water, and that's incentive enough to walk in this heat for me! Plus, I like walking around with her. It reminds me of being back in Illinois when we had no car and had to walk everywhere.

I'm mostly just hoping I can keep this up, along with all of the DDR I've been playing, and that it'll start to make a difference. Of course, I'm also trying to watch my eating as much as possible. I won't lie and tell you I don't eat fast food or that I don't eat sweets. I do. I especially eat quite a bit of fast food because I don't have my own money at the moment and my friends buy me some food when we go out shopping or just hanging out. Of course, I try to make the best option possible of the cheapest options on the menu.

I'm hoping it's nice like this tomorrow. It wasn't too warm out and that's what has been stopping from walking too much lately. I'm afraid of getitng dizzy and passing out, as has happened to me before. If it's nice like this, then I'll definitely be walking downtown tomorrow with my roommate. We need to get her a monthly bus pass to make taking the bus to work cheaper for her. We were also going to look at the small stores downtown and check out the museums and see if any had cheap addmissions we could afford for another day.

This Saturday, if today was any indication, there should be a post from me! Hopefully we'll see a number under 213.

Late again! Per usual.

I'm back up, and not only that, but I'm at 213lbs this week. I don't know what I managed to do here. I've been working out, I haven't been eating that badly, and I've not been sitting around all day. I don't know what it is I'm doing wrong or what I'm just plain not doing? I've been keeping up with my SparkPeople and everything. I haven't gone over on calories or fat or carbs or anything I can think of.

Maybe my body's just getting used to being taken care of right again. I'll keep think of it that way for a few more weeks and if nothing gets better, then I'm definitely going to have to change my approach. The thing is that I haven't felt any bigger lately, but instead have felt lighter and better about myself. I didn't take any measurements last week or this week because I plan on changing that to measurements every month.

On Saturday, I spent the day in Providence walking around for a few hours. It was pretty fun, getting to window shop in the Providence Place Mall. Maybe next time I go, I'll actually be able to buy something. I saw a beautiful tea set in the Teavana that I want for my parlour when I move into my own home. It was a gorgeous china teaset painted with light pink roses. It was a pot with four cups and matching saucers. So pretty! But it was $100. I'm fully willing to pay that much for my dream tea set! When I actually have the money.

I saw a lot of clothing I could modify into casual lolita clothing and I'm hoping to go back with some money and buy them. The modifications would be simple and really inexpensive and then I'd have quite a few cutsews in my wardrobe.

This weekend, on my roommate's day off, we plan on heading into the downtown and shopping around the small boutiques and shops there. When I say shopping, I mean looking around and not buying anything. There are few antique stores down there that specialize in Victorian antiques and I can't wait to look through them and get a better visualization of what I want for our house when we finally move. Hopefully I can get a job soon because that'll bring that house that much closer to me.

I hope I'll remember to post again in a few days, or at least post on time on Saturday with my, hopefully, updated lighter weight!

Late again, per usual! I'm at 210 again, so another gain. This is no less irritating now than it was five months ago. The worst part is that I know I can lose this weight, as I've done it before. I also know I can lose this because I used to be heavier. But it doesn't seem to want to keep me at less than 210. I don't know what I'm doing wrong...

Yesterday, I hung out with a friend I hadn't seen since high school almost three years ago. We had a lot of fun, doing completely irrational things like going around the BJ's wholesale store and giggling in wonderment at all the food. I hadn't realized just how much I'd missed her until I spent time with her again.

The most unexpected part of the day, though, was that she commented on how good I looked now. I asked her what she meant by that, since I was confused. All I was wearing was a crappy pair of jeans and a tank top, so it couldn't be my clothing. She told me it was obvious I had lost a lot of weight and that frankly, I was pretty fat in high school (because, oh god, I was).

That made my week, along with a lot of other stuff that we ended up doing around town.

I know I can lose the rest of this weight. I know it. And I'll do it. I don't want to be fat anymore and I don't even want to be kind of fat. I want to lose this weight and I will.

And I think I'll try to make it more fun than I have up until now.

So, I didn't update on time this week. Go figure!

It's not that I forgot, I just gave myself a lot of stuff to do. Way too much to do and it turned out that I ended up not updating my blog until a few days later.

So, where am I at?

208.5lbs. It's a loss, that's for sure. I'm still not keeping my hopes up until it becomes 205 or lower. This isn't me being too hard on myself, I just know my body and that it doesn't like to agree with me. I keep yo-yoing between 206-211 and it's starting to get a little disheartening. Hopefully, the walking I've been doing lately will help!

Maybe it'd be easier to eat regularly if I weren't just so damned depressed all the time.

Alright then~

I managed not to forget this week! Go me!

I don't think I've gotten very far in progressing with my exercise or my eating. My eating is so-so. I need to eat more than twice a day, which is my biggest problem. Sometimes I don't even manage that. It's mainly because my sleeping schedule is just so out of whack thanks to my being unemployed and not having much to do in the ways of needing to get up early.

I walked around a lot yesterday, though it hadn't been planned. We got locked on the other side of a mall from my car and I had to walk around the whole building to get back to it, because they wouldn't let us taking the normal exit that would have gotten us to just needing to walk to the back of the lot. Instead, I had to walk through the parking lots of about four or five major stores and the mall. It wasn't bad, as it was nice outside, but it was still irritating seeing as I hadn't really been wanting to do that. I prefer my walks to be during the day, too, and not in a dark parking lot. Of course, there were lights and I wasn't alone, but still.

I did pass by the door of an abandoned store there. THe doors, which apparently had been automatic at some point, were completely cracked. There was a glass awning right before them that had several major cracks, but no holes, in it and it was held up by these rusted out pillars. It had lights that I'm sure worked at one point. Of ten, only one wasn't smashed.

It makes my head turn and turn and turn. Hopefully I can make something of this. Hopefully.

Anyhow. Now to the important part, right?

I'm at 210. Which means I stayed exactly the same. I didn't lose anything, but I didn't gain, either. So all is good in my book for now. My measurements are also still exactly the same. Nothing exciting to report today, but also nothing depressing to report, either.

Until next time, guys!

Doh!

I didn't forget, I swear! Okay. I did. But I didn't fall off the wagon. I did still weigh myself and all that good stuff.

I weighed in at 210 pounds last Saturday, which means I lost a pound from my previous weigh in! Hooray! I'm not convinced of this yet, as I tend to lose and gain the same few pounds over and over, so until I get under that precious 205 mark right now, I'm going to be vary wary of what my scale says.

I've been eating a lot better recently. I gave up eating the fries and have been eating a lot of rice and veggies lately. I've also been going crazy over this fat free yogurt at the market. It's really delicious and I can get it in a bunch of different flavors, which makes me really happy. It's La Yogurt and if you can get a hold of it, then go for it! I've been averaging about two of them a day, which is surprising for me.

It's been sooo hot lately, but I've been keeping up with my DDR playing. I'm unemployed, so currently I don't go to a gym. Until I get a job, I'm going to be sticking to things I can do in the comfort of my air conditioned game room, which means DDR and work out videos. At least I'm not just sitting around and doing nothing all day. Eating better helps, but I won't get far without moving around.

My measurements this week are as follows:
Waist: 41
Hips: 51
Thigh: 23
Upper Arm: 11
Ribcage: 39.5
Bust: 44

I guess I did measure correctly, as my waist is still where it was last week, and I lost half an inch on my hips. My bust also went down a little.

I'll make sure to update again soon on what I've been eating and doing to exercise, as long as it's interesting and all. I don't want to bore my one or two readers all that much.

Weigh in number one

So. Saturday is my weigh in day. Which means I weighed in today.

I gained a pound and a half, which puts me at 211lbs.

yeah, I'm disappointed. But I'm not surprised, which is what makes it worse. I probably won't do much better next Saturday, considering I've been eating a lot of my comfort foods. Gravy fries and scones are very prevalent right now. I'm trying not to, but the hard part is actually stopping.

I'm bummed, but what can I do about it NOW other than just try harder tomorrow? Not much of anything. And I refuse to wallow.

My measurements are:
Waist:41
Hips: 51.5
Neck: 13
Thigh: 23
Calf: 16
Upper Arm: 11
Ribcage: 39.5
Bust: 45

Pretty much the same. But it seems I went down an inch in my waist? This doesn't seem right. I don't think I'm measuring properly.

Update on Brummel & Brown

I posted before about how Brummel & Brown spreads are tasty and pretty low cal in comparison to a lot of other things you could be slathering all over bread. My one concern was that they were made with hydrogenated oils. Well, that's no longer a concern! Their ingredients lists currently no longer have hydrogenated oils in them! Once I get a job, I'm going to be buying a tub of the flavored and of the plain and replacing my normal spreads with them.

On the subject of putting things on toast, Peanut Butter & Co ( Http://www.ilovepeanutbutter.com ) release these fantastic flavored peanut butters. They're not full of really awful things and they're not that bad for you in moderation. And because the flavors are so intense, I have no problem settling for their single serving of 2 tbls. My favorites are the Dark Chocolate Dream and the Mighty Maple. Both go pretty great with apples and on toast. The Dark Chocolate is really fantastic on strawberries. Currently we get them on discount around my house because our local Ocean State Job Lot sells them for about $3 a pop. They're normally about $4 or $5 each. I also picked up some no sugar added preserves and jams to go with them.

Also, one of my favorite breakfasts (again speaking of toast!) is a fried egg, cooked over medium, spread over a piece of toast and then topped with another piece of toast. Pretty awesome, really! Especially if you put a slice or two of bacon in there. Very, very filling and satisfying.

This has got to end!

It's been months, yet again, since I last posted in this damned blog! I have to stop neglecting this because when I neglect this blog, I neglect myself. I'm not holding myself accountable for anything at the moment because I just keep sitting around and waiting for it all to kick me into gear and for me to realize that I should do something. As if I didn't already know I have to DO SOMETHING.

I'll make myself post here at least once a week, but I'm going to try and aim for more. The more I do, the more I'll think about what it is I'm doing here and where I'm going. This will focus mainly on my trying to lose weight, but I'll also talk about other things in my life. Because ultimately, the others things that affect my mood end up affecting my ability to 'care' about losing weight. Hopefully, I won't stop caring ever again, at least not for longer than a period of a day, at any rate.

So. Current measurements and weight and BMI:
WEIGHT: 209.5
BMI: 38.3
MEASUREMENTS (in inches):
Waist:42
Hips: 51.5
Neck: 13
Thigh: 23
Calf: 16
Upper Arm: 11
Ribcage: 40
Bust: 45

List of goals and how I plan on rewarding myself:

WEIGHT GOALS (and rewards for reaching each)[Dates achieved]:

Get to 205lbs (Spend a whole day just playing sit down video games)[]
Get to 200lbs (Spend a whole day just drawing and or reading by myself)[]
Get to 195lbs (McDonald's Sundae, plain.)[] (I'm fully aware that I shouldn't reward myself with food, but I never get these and I figured the 150 calorie cup wouldn't fucking hurt me)
Get to 190lbs (DDR Mat)[]
Get to 185lbs (New Tarot deck)[]
Get to 180lbs (Samanosuke and Kaede)[]
Get to 175lbs (Buy a nice new sketchbook)[]
Get to 170lbs (Onimusha controller)[]
Get to 165lbs (Spend a whole day just playing Onimusha)[]
Get to 160lbs (no longer obese) (Bodyline Spree)[]
Get to 155lbs (New GBASP and some games)[]
Get to 150lbs (Avon spree)[]
Get to 145lbs (Bobobie purchase)[]
Get to 140lbs (new PS2 or Wii game or three CDs of choice)[]
Get to 135lbs(no longer overweight) (A small set of Prismacolor markers or pencils or pens)[]
Get to 130lbs (PSP)[]
Get to 125lbs (Angelic Pretty purchase through Celga)[]
Get to 120lbs (Iplehouse purchase)[]
Get to 115lbs (Dollmore purchase)[]
Get to 110lbs GOAL (QutieLand purchase)[]